Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Cowntdown to Pissed Off Old People Crisis

Continuing my mocking of DC's latest teaser image for Countdown . . .

They're all standing on Darkseid's head, which can only mean one thing: one of the younger heroes killed him. Maybe a bunch of them. The Teen Titans killed Darkseid. Why? So when old Flash and old Green Lantern and Wildcat are all "Do it our way, because we beat Hitler!" the kids can respond "Fuck off, grandpa, we beat Darkseid. Who the fuck is Hitler?" The old JSA guys are pissed off now, because, well, shit, Darkseid IS worse and tougher than Hitler. Lacking the ability to gloat about beating a guy with funny mustache, they decide to beat up on the Teen Titans to prove they're superior and the Teen Titans kick the crap out of them. Jay Garrick breaks a hip and Wildcat can't seem to stop coughing, while what's his name Scott keeps looking for his domino mask, even though IT'S ON HIS FUCKING FACE! And the JLA get involved, trying to make peace, but that doesn't work and soon, all of the superheroes kill each other. And evil inherits the earth. Only in . . . Countdown to Pissed Off Old People Crisis!

(Seriously, that whole "we beat Hitler" line is getting lame at this point. It works in the real world, because Hitler was about as bad as it gets, but in the DCU where, well, the average costumed bank robber has the capabilities to cause more damage than Hitler ever imagined? Lame.)