I have seen the future and it involves comics (Marvel and DC solicits for November)

Back in Windsor and I totally didn't write any of that Automatic Kafka essay while in London. I suck.

But, here's my monthly look at DC and Marvel's solicits.

DC's solicits

* Countdown becomes Countdown to Final Crisis and I still don't care. Nor do the dozens upon dozens of tie-in titles impress me. Somewhere, Dan Didio is crying.

* I am strangely looking forward to Death of the New Gods. I've never been a huge Starlin fan, but my dad has a lot of his stuff and it's always good. The man knows cosmic and the fact that he's describing the series as part mercy killing rings true. Seriously, has anyone besides Grant Morrison done anything semi-interesting with these characters lately? (And, honestly, even some of Morrison's stuff has been lame. Mister Miracle was definitely the worst of the Seven Soldiers series.)

* "Part 1 of Frank Miller’s & Jim Lee’s two-fisted thrill ride ends here, yet it’s only just begun!" How much more of the Goddamn Batman are we going to get? I hope to see a trade solicited soon, because I'm all over this series. I have a feeling that I will love it, mostly as a parody and flat-out comedy in a similar vein to The Dark Knight Strikes Again. Frank Miller can't seem to take these characters seriously anymore and who can blame him?

* The real question is: since I'm buying Batman, will I buy all of the books that tell the "Resurrection of Ra’s al Ghul" storyline? Fucking DC and crossovers.

* While in London, I bought the first and second seasons of Boston Legal on DVD because my friend/new-roommate-in-a-couple-of-weeks is always praising it. The lack of JSA in November reminds me that last night, I became convinced that what that book needs is a Denny Crane character: an old guy who used to be great, but is now declining more and more, but is able to continue to trade on his name and former greatness, protected by his colleagues who don't want him to become a public laughing stock. No one is buying a team with a bunch of old people who can actually do shit. I've met numerous old people and they can barely walk, usually. Every time I'm on the bus, it takes them, like, five minutes to get on and off. Seeing them fight crime with young people stretches realism. I don't care which old hero begins to lose it, one should.

* Why no "All-New" preface on the latest Atom trade?

* What the fuck is with all of DC's trades being advance-solicits? The only trades I see here that I can buy in November are relists, meaning I can buy them right now. What the fuck? Like I'm going to remember what trades I read about online in August when December and January comes around. I'll barely remember what comics I want by then.

* Remember when Image released issue 25 of various series, like, a year or two before issue 25 was scheduled to come out back in the '90s? Well, Wildstorm is doing that again, except with one-shot specials about the end of the world. Meaning, Wildstorm is doing a lamer version of that.

* Dear god, can we put an end to all Abbey Road homages? It's been done to death.

* Holy shit, the New Gods toys have Kirby squiggles on them. That is so awesome.

Marvel's solicits

* From the solicit for Ultimate Origin #1: "From the dark days of World War II to the frightening present, journey through history to learn what's really behind the Super Soldier and Weapon X programs–and how heroes such as Captain America, Nick Fury and Wolverine have more in common than codenames and costumes." Wait--"Nick Fury" is a codename? BENDIS JUST BLEW MY MIND!

* Um, what the fuck is up with the cover to Ultimates Saga? The Scarlet Witch looks ready to RAWK OUT! and the less said about the Hulk's face, the better. What the fuck?

* Hmm, does the fact that the artist of The Avengers: Initiative annual #1 is "TBA" concern anyone else? Is it that Marvel didn't have an artist as of the solicits being released or is it going to be some BIG announcement?

* Shit, I guess I had better buy the Captain Marvel mini, because five bucks says Noh-Varr shows up by issue three. And, yeah, I hated what Reed and Bendis have done with him, but I AM A SUCKER FOR THAT KREE BASTARD. I have problems.

* Immortal Iron Fist #11: "Cover by Travel Foreman" What the fuck happened to David Aja doing covers? His covers have all been amazing and far better than most of the shit on the shelves.

* I haven't read any of those Franklin Richards comics, but this cover is all kinds of awesome.

* Is it just me or does the idea behind What If? Annihilation sound a lot cooler than everything Marvel has done for the past year? Got to love it when the fake story sounds much more entertaining that what really happened. Note that it also seems to lack an artist. Marvel doesn't seem to know who's drawing their comics anymore.

* The companion omnibus to Frank Miller's Daredevil run is a really great idea on Marvel's part.

* I will buy the Ultimates 2 hardcover and the Civil War scriptbook despite not being a fan of Mark Millar. The former because, well, it will at least be pretty and I'm curious to read it with the first volume. The latter, because, I am very curious about the scripts to that series. Especially how many times Millar actually uses hype WHILE WRITING THE SCRIPT.

And that's what November looks like. Yay.

Thoughts on October's Solicitations

Because I'm not in the mood to mock, I'm just going to tell you what I would buy from DC and Marvel in October if money was no object. Now, obviously, if money was no object really, I'd buy it all, because, fuck it, money's no object--so, we're just going to use the phrase "money was no object" to mean I just got paid and have some extra cash to pick up a few of the books I might not get otherwise. I'll put trades in bold, because that means I want them, but who knows when I'll actually buy them.

DC

COUNTDOWN PRESENTS THE SEARCH FOR RAY PALMER: CRIME SYNDICATE #1: Only because it involves the CSA.

DEATH OF THE NEW GODS #1-2: Jim Starlin writing and drawing a cosmic tale about the New Gods dying? Worth looking at.

INFINITY INC. #2: Peter Milligan writing means it will at least be interesting.

BATMAN #670: I buy it monthly.

JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #10: Okay, Kingdom Come Superman joining the team is a really cool idea and enough for me to maybe check this issue out. The fact that I've yet to read anything by Johns that's really impressed me is holding me back. We'll see when the time comes.

JLA/HITMAN #2: Never read Hitman before, but, hey, Garth Ennis means I'm in.

52 VOL. 4 TP: I want to get all four 52 volumes. May just wait until they're all out and buy them off Amazon.ca for cheap in one order.

MIDNIGHTER #12: Buy it monthly.

THE PROGRAMME #4: First issue out this week and I plan to buy this series. Probably more interesting than Infinity Inc. because it's not work-for-hire, which tends to drag Milligan down a bit unless it's something like X-Force/X-Statix where it's basically creator-owned except not.

THE VINYL UNDERGROUND #1: Looks interesting. May just wait for the trades as I do without almost everything Vertigo (which is why you don't see any other Vertigo titles listed here).

Marvel

SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN #41: I'm debating whether to buy this "One More Day" thing or not. Probably won't, ultimately, but who knows what my mood will be like in September when I'm buying comics and the first two parts come out.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #31: Buy it monthly.

IMMORTAL IRON FIST #10: Buy it monthly. (And where's the David Aja cover? Sure, they kept the design, but it still sucks by comparison.)

IRON MAN: ENTER THE MANDARIN #2 (of 6): Will I buy it monthly? Will I wait for the trade? Probably monthly just because I hate buying Marvel stuff in trades because they're price-gouging bastards. This is why I buy way more Marvel monthlies over DC, but then later buy more DC trades than Marvel.

PUNISHER WAR JOURNAL #12: Buy it monthly.

MIGHTY AVENGERS #6: Buy it monthly.

NEW AVENGERS #35: Buy it monthly.

OMEGA: THE UNKNOWN #1 (of 10): Looks interesting. Online reviews from people I tend to agree with/respect may determine this one.

THE ORDER #4: Buy it monthly.

THOR #4: Buy it montly--although after the first issue, that could change.

THUNDERBOLTS #118: Buy it monthly.

CRIMINAL #10: Buy it monthly.

OMEGA THE UNKNOWN TPB: Heard good things about this, so I'll probably get it at some point.

And that's October. The final tally . . .

DC: 10 books, 1 new trade (plus the three that came before it)
Marvel: 12 books, 1 trade

Thoughts on September's Previews

It's that time of month again. Yay. Celebrate good times come on.

Actually, every month, right before I look through the new solicits, I am excited, but, by the end, I'm usually ready to swear off comics because it's just piles of shit atop piles of shit. So, let's do this.

DC's September solicitations.

Is there any rational order to these solicits? DC can usually be counted on for SOME semblance of organisation, but this month, it just seems like they're throwing various event books at us in whatever order they feel like it. Good luck finding any comic you're interested in ahead of time in this mess. And then, good luck walking away with any interest in the comics they're peddling.

First up is everything "Countdown" related. Seriously, a year-long story spanning a shitload of books that's really just a lead-up to the actual story? Why would anyone be interested in that? I don't get it, I really don't. Wait a year, save money and then read the fucking synopsis. Bam, done, all set, rock and roll.

Then there's the wedding of Green Arrow and Black Canary, which requires many, many books. I think this wedding may have an equal number of books devoted to it as the weddings of Superman and Lois, Spider-Man and Mary Jane, and Cyclops and Jean Grey did combined (okay, probably not really, but more than any of them individually, which is still kind of messed up). Makes sense.

I do like how the trades are separated from the monthlies this time around. That's one thing Marvel has been doing right for a long time as it recognises that *gasp!* the two are different and possibly attract different types of readers!

Wow. This text comes with the Albion trade in the Wildstorm section: "Reoffered to coincide with ALBION ORIGINS, solicited in the Titans Books section of this Previews." Strangely intelligent on DC's part to re-offer a book to work with the book of another company. Or, it could seem like when the Hives' old record company released Your New Favourite Band (a compilation album originally released in the UK to promote the band) a week before Tyrannosaurus Hives in an effort to bleed off some sales from ignorant consumers. Either way, smart.

It looks like the cyborg dinosaur is back in Deathblow! Seriously, Brian Azzarello is writing a bok featuring a cyborg dinosaur. Doesn't that strike anyone else as odd?

Aren't The Authoriteens the cutest little heroes you've ever seen? I just want to squeeze 'em!

Aaaaaaaand . . . nothing else interests me.

Marvel's September solicitations.

"This is the Goblin arc no Ultimate reader can afford to miss!" (inre: Ultimate Spider-Man #113-114) Just so you know.

While I love the fact that there's an Immortal Iron Fist annual, I am disappointed at the fact that there's no actual issue in September. Remember when annuals were IN ADDITION TO the series?

Not only does Penance get his own mini, but also his own issue of Thunderbolts. Hmm, Paul Jenkins v. Warren Ellis. Who ever shall win? Is there really such a demand for S&M heroes?

I really do love New Avengers #34's cover. Is it an alternate reality story? An effort to fuck with the Skrulls? OR a team of Skrulls posing as the New Avengers, but in different forms to fuck with the New Avengers' heads? (Also, is that Steve Rogers or Clint Barton as Captain America? I'm betting Barton.)

Wow, I'm actually tempted to buy Moon Knight #13 with this solicitation: "The Initiative. Membership has its privileges. Backed into a corner, Marc Spector does what they least expect him to. He's here for his registration card, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get one. Repeat: Whatever it takes." Could be interesting.

When did Skottie young begin delivering such cool covers?

I keep having deju vu feelings with Marvel's trade solicits as I keep seeing items I could have swore I saw there months ago--before realising maybe it was in that stupid hardcover format that they--and others--seem so fond of. I miss the old deluxe hardcovers that they only use for the odd thing now (thankfully, they continue to do so for Punisher MAX). Those were great.

And that does it for this month. Next month, I promise to praise DC and make fun of Marvel more to make things even steven.

Thoughts On August's Comics

Here is it May and we get a glimpse into August through the solicits for DC and Marvel. Because I'm bored, I'm going to go through them and point out what looks good and what looks like shit.

First up, DC:

* Countdown to Adventure is a surprisingly intriguing title for an unsurprisingly shitty-looking book. With all of this "countdown" stuff going on, is this eight-issue series going to be followed with a book title "Adventure Comics" or something? Oh shit--did I accidentally spoil THAT surprise? (And how is Animal Man showing up in that book when Morrison said that the reason he appeared in 52 was that Vertigo trusted him to write the character, but no one else? Or is the DCU office pulling rank? Inter-office politics is fun!)

* Apparently, the cover to the new Black Adam mini is all non-kid-friendly because we're a society of pussies. It's a dead person--because kids never see dead people. It's not even that weird. Black Adam just comes from a different culture where fucking your dead wife is acceptable. What this cover teaches your kids? CULTURAL TOLERANCE. (Note: I am joking and not suggesting that the culture Black Adam comes from--isn't it Egyptian at its roots?--says having sex with dead people is okay. I wouldn't say that. But, if said culture does, while I find it totally fucking disgusting, I do respect your cultural beliefs and tolerate them like I was taught to by creepy comics as a kid.)

* Batman is apparently choosing the new group of Outsiders and taking five weeks to do it. He's doing in between shit that actually matters because he knows no one gives a flying fuck about the goddamn Outsiders. Seriously, is that book still around? Wasn't it jut an excuse to have Nightwing AND Robin in their own Titans-like group? Lame.

* Wow, a few months after Batman #666, which has a Hellish theme, Superman #666 comes out and has to do with Hell, too. Exciting.

* This Flash cover is pretty cool looking.

* Buy this:
DR. THIRTEEN: ARCHITECTURE & MORTALITY TP
Written by Brian Azzarello
Art and cover by Cliff Chiang
Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang join forces to tell the adventures of Dr. Terrence Thirteen, a parapsychologist who disproves reports of supernatural activity. In this story collected from TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED #1-8, Dr. Thirteen rounds up a group of the world’s magical beings to prevent strange forces from tearing asunder the very fabric of the past, present, and future!
Advance-solicited; on sale September 19 • 144 pg, FC, $14.99 US

I've heard nothing but good things about this little story. That, and the cover is fucking sweet.

* Can anyone honestly look at the current Justice League line-up and claim that it doesn't seem totally shit? I mean, Geo-Force? What is this, the goddamn Outsiders?

* Keith Giffen begins his tenure as writer of Midnighter, which should be interesting.

* New DMZ and Hellblazer trades are good things as well.

***

Now, Marvel:

* Ghost Rider is still around? Blade isn't. I don't mourn its passing as I gave it a couple of tries to impress me and it didn't.

* Iron Fist versus six other immortal weapons in a tournament to the death? How are more people NOT buying this book?

* Am I the only one who's bothered by the fact that the "Marvel Heroes" section of the solicits is always split into two? Here it's interrupted by "World War Hulk" and "Marvel Adventures." The fuck?

* Hulk's hitlist includes: Black Bolt, Iron Man, Wolverine, Ms. Marvel, the Thing, Cyclops, Spider-Man and Tigra? I almost want to buy this crossover to find out what the hell Tigra did to the Hulk to warrant a spot on his hitlist. Or is she there by mistake, being a target on another sort of "hit list" the Hulk has? No, really, because that's the only thing making sense to me. (Or, is there some other orange woman who looks kind of like Tigra I'm not aware of?)

* Looks like Aaron "Don't call me Machine Man" Stack is showing up in Ms. Marvel. I wonder if Ellis' version of the character will be the norm now (the look is the same).

* Wolverine has transformed into a fatass!

* Am I the only one who partly hopes that The Champions actually WILL be called "Series Title to be Announced"?

* Okay, I'll admit it: I'm looking forward to the new Thor series.

* This month's Wolverine count (not including any reprint material): eleven. At least. That's going by solicits and covers--and assuming in the cases of New Avengers and Astonishing X-Men.

That's it until next month. Not terribly helpful, am I?