Why Death in Comics Doesn't Matter and That's the Way People Like It

So, Captain America is dead. And he'll come back. Whoop-dee-whoop. Don't act like you actually care. Every fanboy who says, "He's just coming back" with disdain? Fuck you, you hypocrite. You don't want him to stay dead, so why say anything? Change cannot happen on any meaningful level in the universes of Marvel and DC.

You won't let it.

See, the problem with change like Steve Rogers getting shot is that it fucks up every little story idea you have sitting in that little brain of yours, hoping to get out one day when you manage to break in and can FINALLY revolutionise things with your brilliance. I mean, Joss Whedon thinks so, too (oh, don't forget any number of creators like Alex Ross, Mark Waid and a bunch of other people whose names I forget).

It's not movies or TV shows or any of that that makes things change back. It's you bunch of idiots who have been dreaming since you were a little kid that, one day, it would be you who got to put the witty line in Spider-Man's mouth or make Superman move a planet.

Why do think Ben Reilly isn't Spider-Man while Peter Parker lives happily with his wife? Or Superman still fights crime even though Clark Kent/Kal-El is dead? Or Bruce Wayne isn't in a wheelchair? Or Kyle Rayner isn't Green Lantern? Or the dozens of other examples I could give you?

Because you don't fuck with the toys.

That should be Official Rule Number One of comic books from now on: You don't fuck with the toys.

At least be honest about it. You don't want change because you don't want to risk the chance that someday you'll be in a position where you can't tell that X-Men tale you've been itchy to tell since fucking forever. It's the Fanboy Dream.

So, of course Steve Rogers will come back. Who cares? Why be all snarky about it? He'll come back because that's the way you want it. We'd keep him dead, but it's against the rules. Sorry.