Magic Eight Ball Mondays: Battle for the Cowl!

Yes, that's right, the classic Magic Eight Ball Mondays feature is back after... well, being abandoned for not being very good. But, maybe the time away has made it better? Who knows? I SURE DON'T!

In this edition, I'll be asking the magic eight ball about DC's "Battle for the Cowl" Bat-story where a bunch of people will fight over who gets to be Batman or some such shit. Let's see what the magic eight ball has to say...

Me: Hi, magic eight ball. Ready to start?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: I... you sure?

8: Ask Again Later

Me: Okay... [*does other online stuff for twenty minutes*] Ready now?

8: Most Likely

Me: Sweet. Now, will there be a new Batman by the end of the story?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Will there be more than one Batman?

8: Reply Hazy Try Again

Me: Will there be more than one Batman?

8: You May Rely On It

Me: Will one of them be Dick Grayson?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Will one of them be Jason Todd?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: Will there be any others?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Will Damian become the new Robin?

8: It Is Certain

Me: Will Tim Drake get a new identity?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: WILL TIME DRAKE GET A NEW IDENTITY?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Will he be "Red Robin"?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Will he be "Nightwing"?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Will he be... Sparrowfister?

8: Very Doubtful

Me: Let's come back to Tim then. Will Barbara Gordon walk again?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Is Azrael the Third Policeman?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Will Bruce Wayne appear in The Battle of the Cowl series as a shocking twist?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Will Tim Drake give up being a superhero?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Will he be... shit, I don't know... if he's not Batman, Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing or Sparrowfister, I'm not sure who he'll be... will it be a whole new identity?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Christ, I don't know then. Let's move on to creative teams. Will Frank Quitely draw Morrison's book?

8: Yes

Me: Will Tony Daniel's writing be good?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Is any of this worth reading?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Are we done?

8: Outlook Good

Well, there you have it: Both Dick Grayson and Jason Todd will be Batman; Tim Drake will get a new identity that has been seen before, but isn't Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing or Batman; Barbara Gordon will not regain the ability to walk; Damian will be the new Robin; Tony Daniel's writing will suck; and Frank Quitely will indeed join Grant Morrison on his Bat-book.

Christ, that was awful.

Magic Eight Ball Mondays No More

I've decided to stop doing the whole "Magic Eight Ball Mondays" thing mostly because, beyond that first one, it's been pretty crap. Ah well. Sometimes the ideas work, sometimes they don't. If I have a reason to, I'll do magic eight ball posts in the future.

So, Wizard World Chicago . . .

Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch on Fantastic Four. Meh.

Warren Ellis on Ultimate Hulk and Iron Man is interesting just for the fact that Ellis flat-out tells us that he's doing the book as a favour. That seems to be the way a lot of Ellis' Marvel work has been and yet it's still good. I find it refreshing that Ellis doesn't even fake it in a industry full of creators who gush about how much they love the characters and have wanted to do this book since they were five. Ellis is just a professional writer hired to do a job and he does it well.

Anything else happen work talking about?

And, of course, Mike Wieringo passed away yesterday under rather shocking circumstances that show just how random and unfair life is. He was one of the few artists working in comics who had a style all his own, one that was so recognisable and distinctive that a quick glance revealed him as the artist. I always enjoyed his work and I don't know what else to say.

Magic Eight Ball Mondays: Countdown to Who Cares?

Another Monday, another session with the magic eight ball. About last week: yes, the magic eight ball really did respond no right away and, yes, I wanted to do that joke at some point. Now, it's been done, so we won't be doing it again. This week, I'll ask the magic eight ball questions about DC's Countdown stuff. As always, anything that's positive is a yes (like "outlook good"), anything negative is a no and anything else will be followed as directed. Let's do this:

Me: So, ready to go, magic eight ball?

8: It Is Certain

Me: Good. Now, will Countdown be a success on the whole?

8: You May Rely On It

Me: Really?

8: Most Likely

Me: No, no, no . . . really????

8: It Is Certain

Me: Wow. I, uh, didn't see that coming. Let's move on: Will Mary Marvel remain a skank?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Will the New Gods all die?

8: Ask Again Later

Me: Will Jason Todd become a well-liked and respected character?

8: Yes

Me: Will the Jokester be a cool character?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: The one thing I care about . . . again, the New Gods--are they all going to die?

8: Reply Hazy Try Again

Me: Will all of the New Gods die?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: Will Jimmy Olsen die?

8: Signs Point To Yes

Me: Will the Joker kill him?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: WILL. THE. JOKER. KILL. JIMMY. OLSEN?

8: Yes Definitely

Me: Is the Martian Manhunter in love with Batman?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Are Kingdom Come Superman and Mullet-Superman bullies now?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: Will the Teen Titans kill Darkseid just to shut up the JSA geezers?

8: Yes

Me: Is the DCU having its period?

8: Outlook Not So Good

Me: Seriously, will Countdown be a success overall?

8: Outlook Good

Me: But, but, but, but--HOW?

8: Signs Point To Yes

Me: Er, sorry. Will is be because of Grant Morrison? Will Grant make it alright?

8: Most Likely

Me: So, Final Crisis will redeem it all?

8: It Is Certain

Me: But, will Countdown the book remain crap?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: Okay, that makes sense. Did I forget anything?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Oh. Was it important?

8: As I See It Yes

Me: Uh . . . will they find Ray Palmer?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Will evil actually inherit the Earth?

8: Most Likely

Me: Fuck, I'm sick of this, can we stop?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: . . .

Alright, that does it for another week. Hope you've learned something. If you have a question for the magic eight ball, submit it to us via the comments or e-mail.

Magic Eight Ball Mondays: "Well, fuck."

Another week, another Q&A session with the magic eight ball. Before I get started, just a reminder that you can still pledge money for my blogging 24 hours this past Saturday/Sunday until tomorrow night at 11:59 pm EST by clicking the sheep on the right. The money goes to the Alzheimer Society of Canada. And there's also an index of all of my Blogathon posts below. Lots of stuff about Joe Casey-written comics. And Led Zeppelin.

Now, let's get on with this . . .

Me: Hey, magic eight ball. Ready to answer some questions about DC's Countdown?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Well, fuck.

I guess I'll have to try again next week. Damn magic eight ball.

By the way, if you have any yes/no questions for the magic eight ball, just submit them via comments or e-mail us.

Blogathon 32: Magic Eight Ball Midnights Part Two

Let's do it, magic eight ball.

Me: You ready?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Going to answer some comic questions?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Son of a bitch! Do you have to be so difficult?

8: Reply Hazy Try Again

Me: I hate you. I really hate you. If I could kill you, I would. Will you just cooperate for once? Please?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: . . .

8:

Me: Will you please cooperate?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: FUCK YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MAGIC EIGHT BALL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WRONG WITH YOU MY GOD WERE YOU ABUSED AS A GODDAMN CHILD OR SOMETHING SHIT

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Then must you act this way?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: I'm going to ask my questions anyway. Will Final Crisis be good?

8: Outlook Not So Good

Me: Astonshing X-Men: Second Stage?

8: As I See It Yes

Me: Amazing Spider-Man times three?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Titans East?

8: It Is Certain

Me: How about Brian Wood and Ryan Kelly's OGN for Minx?

8: Outlook Not So Good

Me: Are you fucking with me still?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Really?

8: Yes Definitely

Me: Uh . . . I have no idea if I can trust you. Does that amuse you?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: I really hate you, you know?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Isn't "Rocktopia Part 8 of 5" the coolest issue title ever?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: Fuckin' a. Will the Watchmen movie be good?

8: It Is Certain

Me: How about the next Bat-flick?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: WILL. THE. NEXT. BAT-FLICK. BE. ANY. GOOD?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: Rock and roll. You want to keep going?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Alright. Thanks for cooperating a bit more this time. Was that so hard?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Great.

And that ends that. In 30 minutes, I'll begin my look at Joe Casey's final year on Adventures of Superman as it is one of the best runs on a Superman book I've ever read.

Blogathon 31: Magic Eight Ball Midnights Part One

This past Monday, I began a new weekly feature here at GraphiContent called Magic Eight Ball Mondays where I ask a magic eight ball questions. In our first edition, I questioned it about the Skrull invasion currently going on in the Marvel universe and which heroes are actually Skrulls in disguise. As always, anything that's positive is a yes ("outlook good," for example could be ambiguous depending on whether you're asking about a bad thing or not, you know) and anything negative is a no. If it says to ask later, we do that, etc.

Me: Magic eight ball, you ready?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Rock and roll. Do you think the Blogathon is going well?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: How about my stuff?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Will more people pledge some money to help fight alzheimer's?

8: Yes Definitely

Me: Excellent! Now, you want to do some comic questions?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Um . . . no?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: This is a comic blog! You should be answering some comic book questions, don't you think so?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Will you do some comic questions at 12:30?

8: Reply Hazy Try Again

Me: Will you do some comic questions at 12:30?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: You're a fucking asshole, magic eight ball. A real smug bastard. Did you know that?

8: Yes

Me: And you're okay with that?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: ARE. YOU. OKAY. WITH. BEING. A. REAL. SMUG. BASTARD?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Goddammit. If you won't answer comic questions then I don't know what to ask. Um, do the Hives kick ass?

8: Yes Definitely

Me: I knew that already. Uh . . . will I make it to 9 am?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: . . . fuck you?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Always with the smart comebacks. Will you at least answer one comic question? One about the title of Casey's last issue of Uncanny X-Men?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: You goddamn asshole. You love toying with me, don't you?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: . . . you're fucking with me right now, aren't you?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: I knew it! I fucking knew it! Motherfucker! Do you want to keep going?

8: My Sources Say No

Okay, we'll leave it at that for this round of questions. Do you see what I mean about the magic eight ball being a total dick? I mean, Christ. (And no, I am not changing any answers for the purposes of being funny. I am using the magic eight ball program here and copying and pasting the responses. The magic eight ball really is a smug bastard.)

In 30 minutes, we'll continue our little dance and hopefully get some answers about stuff related to comics. But who knows with this bastard.

Magic Eight Ball Mondays: Skrull Invasion

I love regular features and in that spirit, every Monday I will ask a magic eight ball questions. This week, we'll determine who is and who is not a Skrull. Oooh, fun.

(And for the purposes of this, any positive response is a yes--like "outlook good" means yes. Same with anything negative means no. Any "ask again laters" will get asked again later.)

Me: Hey, magic eight ball. Are you ready?

8: Most Likely

Me: Sweet. Now, the obvious question: is Tony Stark a Skrull?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Ms. Marvel?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Sentry?

8: Signs Point To Yes

Me: How about Luke Cage?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Iron Fist?

8: Yes Definitely

Me: Spider-Man?

8: As I See It Yes

Me: Spider-Woman?

8: Outlook Not So Good

Me: Wolverine?

8: Yes

Me: Dr. Strange?

8: Ask Again Later

Me: Clint Barton?

8: It Is Certain

Me: Echo?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: IS. ECHO. A. SKRULL?

8: As I See It Yes

Me: Jessica Jones?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Fuck. How about her and Luke Cage's kid?

8: Signs Point To Yes

Me: What about Wong?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Hulk?

8: Most Likely

Me: Wolverine?

8: You May Rely On It

Me: I just realised I asked that one already. Um, let's call that a test. And you passed, magic eight ball. Proud of yourself?

8: Reply Hazy Try Again

Me: Smug bastard. Are all of the X-Men Skrulls? (No way in hell I'm doing all of them one by one.)

8: Most Likely

Me: What about the other Mighty Avengers I just don't care enough about to ask about individually?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: Fuck you! Answer the damn question!

8: Outlook Not So Good

Me: Fine. How about Nick Fury? Is Nick Fury a Skrull?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Bucky? Is Bucky a Skrull?

8: You May Rely On It

Me: Namor?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Black Bolt?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Dr. Strange?

8: Outlook Not So Good

Me: Is the Illuminati Skrull-free?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Is it Professor X? Is he the one the Skrulls replaced in Illuminati #1?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: Is most of the superhuman population Skrulls at this point?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: IS. MOST. OF. THE. SUPERHUMAN. POPULATION. SKRULLS. AT. THIS. POINT?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Okay, obviously the magic eight ball has decided to be a prick and won't answer anything else. But, there you have it folks, who's a Skrull and who isn't. It seems like a shitload of people are Skrulls, but not Tony Stark and the other members of the Illuminati--along with Nick Fury and Spider-Woman. I imagine issue five of The Illuminati is going to be very important then as the members realise that OH FUCK EVERYONE'S A FUCKING SKRULL!

Until next week, magic eight ball you smug bastard.