Yes, that's right, the classic Magic Eight Ball Mondays feature is back after... well, being abandoned for not being very good. But, maybe the time away has made it better? Who knows? I SURE DON'T!In this edition, I'll be asking the magic eight ball about DC's "Battle for the Cowl" Bat-story where a bunch of people will fight over who gets to be Batman or some such shit. Let's see what the magic eight ball has to say...
Me: Hi, magic eight ball. Ready to start?
8: Better Not Tell You Now
Me: I... you sure?
8: Ask Again Later
Me: Okay... [*does other online stuff for twenty minutes*] Ready now?
8: Most Likely
Me: Sweet. Now, will there be a new Batman by the end of the story?
8: My Sources Say No
Me: Will there be more than one Batman?
8: Reply Hazy Try Again
Me: Will there be more than one Batman?
8: You May Rely On It
Me: Will one of them be Dick Grayson?
8: It Is Decidedly So
Me: Will one of them be Jason Todd?
8: Without A Doubt
Me: Will there be any others?
8: Cannot Predict Now
Me: Will Damian become the new Robin?
8: It Is Certain
Me: Will Tim Drake get a new identity?
8: Concentrate And Ask Again
Me: WILL TIME DRAKE GET A NEW IDENTITY?
8: It Is Decidedly So
Me: Will he be "Red Robin"?
8: My Sources Say No
Me: Will he be "Nightwing"?
8: My Reply Is No
Me: Will he be... Sparrowfister?
8: Very Doubtful
Me: Let's come back to Tim then. Will Barbara Gordon walk again?
8: My Reply Is No
Me: Is Azrael the Third Policeman?
8: Outlook Good
Me: Will Bruce Wayne appear in The Battle of the Cowl series as a shocking twist?
8: Outlook Good
Me: Will Tim Drake give up being a superhero?
8: Don't Count On It
Me: Will he be... shit, I don't know... if he's not Batman, Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing or Sparrowfister, I'm not sure who he'll be... will it be a whole new identity?
8: Don't Count On It
Me: Christ, I don't know then. Let's move on to creative teams. Will Frank Quitely draw Morrison's book?
8: Yes
Me: Will Tony Daniel's writing be good?
8: Don't Count On It
Me: Is any of this worth reading?
8: Don't Count On It
Me: Are we done?
8: Outlook Good
Well, there you have it: Both Dick Grayson and Jason Todd will be Batman; Tim Drake will get a new identity that has been seen before, but isn't Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing or Batman; Barbara Gordon will not regain the ability to walk; Damian will be the new Robin; Tony Daniel's writing will suck; and Frank Quitely will indeed join Grant Morrison on his Bat-book.
Christ, that was awful.
