Monday, March 02, 2009

Magic Eight Ball Mondays: Battle for the Cowl!

Yes, that's right, the classic Magic Eight Ball Mondays feature is back after... well, being abandoned for not being very good. But, maybe the time away has made it better? Who knows? I SURE DON'T!

In this edition, I'll be asking the magic eight ball about DC's "Battle for the Cowl" Bat-story where a bunch of people will fight over who gets to be Batman or some such shit. Let's see what the magic eight ball has to say...

Me: Hi, magic eight ball. Ready to start?

8: Better Not Tell You Now

Me: I... you sure?

8: Ask Again Later

Me: Okay... [*does other online stuff for twenty minutes*] Ready now?

8: Most Likely

Me: Sweet. Now, will there be a new Batman by the end of the story?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Will there be more than one Batman?

8: Reply Hazy Try Again

Me: Will there be more than one Batman?

8: You May Rely On It

Me: Will one of them be Dick Grayson?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Will one of them be Jason Todd?

8: Without A Doubt

Me: Will there be any others?

8: Cannot Predict Now

Me: Will Damian become the new Robin?

8: It Is Certain

Me: Will Tim Drake get a new identity?

8: Concentrate And Ask Again

Me: WILL TIME DRAKE GET A NEW IDENTITY?

8: It Is Decidedly So

Me: Will he be "Red Robin"?

8: My Sources Say No

Me: Will he be "Nightwing"?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Will he be... Sparrowfister?

8: Very Doubtful

Me: Let's come back to Tim then. Will Barbara Gordon walk again?

8: My Reply Is No

Me: Is Azrael the Third Policeman?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Will Bruce Wayne appear in The Battle of the Cowl series as a shocking twist?

8: Outlook Good

Me: Will Tim Drake give up being a superhero?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Will he be... shit, I don't know... if he's not Batman, Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing or Sparrowfister, I'm not sure who he'll be... will it be a whole new identity?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Christ, I don't know then. Let's move on to creative teams. Will Frank Quitely draw Morrison's book?

8: Yes

Me: Will Tony Daniel's writing be good?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Is any of this worth reading?

8: Don't Count On It

Me: Are we done?

8: Outlook Good

Well, there you have it: Both Dick Grayson and Jason Todd will be Batman; Tim Drake will get a new identity that has been seen before, but isn't Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing or Batman; Barbara Gordon will not regain the ability to walk; Damian will be the new Robin; Tony Daniel's writing will suck; and Frank Quitely will indeed join Grant Morrison on his Bat-book.

Christ, that was awful.