Showcase Presents Superman Vol. 1 (Part Four)

[It's been well over a year since my last post on this book, but I figured I should finish it up. This post refers to pages 403-560 of the volume, covering Action Comics #254-257 and Superman #130-133.]

The general focus of my reading of this volume has been focused on the odd plots and instances where Superman lies. Seriously, that guy seems incapable of telling the truth. It's kind of odd that he's supposed to be so heroic and noble, but constantly lies. Let's see what he makes up in these eight issues... (Actually these eight issues weren't nearly as messed up as previous ones.)

* In an effort to protect himself from Kryptonite, Superman once made himself a lead suit to wear. Except, of course, he can't see through lead and couldn't leave any holes to see since the radiation would get in... so he flew around in the thing and almost caused a plane to crash, because he's a goddamn moron.

* He also once magically recovered from Kryptonite radiation poisoning. No medical evidence given.

* He taught his robot duplicates to lie about the effects of Kryptonite.

* When a criminal tricks Superman into granting him six wishes, his first wish is for the biggest diamond in the world, so Superman brings him a baseball diamond. The criminal, enraged, says that he meant diamond as in ice. He wants ice and, after Superman leaves, says, "WHAT ELSE COULD ICE MEAN?" Yeeeeeeah.

* There's a town called Cyrusville where Superman is not allowed. They have policemen on guard to keep him out. Superman is so pissed off that he can't help but investigate the whole thing in disguise as Kent Clark--an original thinker, he sure is.

* Mr. Mxyzptlk needs a warning buzzer to alert him whenever he begins to spell/say his name backwards.

* In the future, Superman will make a stack of pancakes for his wife at super-speed... somehow his powers allow stoves to cook pancakes faster.

* A Bizarro copy of Bizarro is a mentally challenged Superman...

* Superman pretends to be Ultra-Superman from the year 100,000 and then uses his "future knowledge" to try and fail to prevet three disasters that result in destroying a major bridge, a naval vessel and an undersea dome in an effort to prevent a plot to kill the president... instead of just arresting the plotters. Why use logic when a retarded lie and tons of destruction will work just as well?

* Lex Luthor uses a raygun to give Clark Kent superpowers in an effort to see if there will be any side-effects. If there aren't, Luthor will use the gun on himself and escape from prison... instead of sticking Luthor in solitary confinement or something logical, Clark uses his powers to accumulate a massive amount of wealth, piss everyone off and then donate to charity as a supposed side-effect of the raygun.

* For an article, Clark spends three days as a policeman and gets the badge of a retired cop. He accidentally gets shot, but is unharmed... so the police chief's first thought is that Clark is wearing a lucky badge. Clark, of course, encourages this insanity and continually lies in order to make the badge seem lucky.

* We also get to see how Clark came to work at the Daily Planet. He needed a job because it would look suspicious for Clark Kent to have money and not work, so why not be a reporter? Perry White, of course, sees him as an unqualified doofus and tries to send him packing, but Lois likes his moxy, so... he's given several assignments that should be boring, but through lies and manipulation, Clark manages to make exciting. Until the final assignment: get a picture of Superman holding some Kryptonite... what? What the hell is wrong with Perry White? "Your assignment is to poison someone and photgraph it!" But, Clark fakes it and gets a job.

* Superman is an alien and can't run for president (as a previous issue told us), but he can apparently be drafted into the armed forces. He then proceeds to be a total dick and is quickly promoted to general whereupon he walks past his former commanding officer at superspeed, forcing said officer to continually raise and lower his arm to salute General Superman until the guy's arm needs to be put in a sling.

Sadly, not the most exciting stories, but they do continue to revolve around Superman's utter lack of logical thinking, his giant ego, and his inability to tell the truth when a complicated lie will do the job... at the expense of time and property, of course.

Still, I much prefered Showcase Presents Shazam!...

(Previous posts can be read by using the "showcase presents" tag...)