If you look at the cover of I Never Liked You, it looks like two people are dancing. The girl's face is calm, almost serene, they're embracing, and there's a record player in the background. On page 105, we learn that the two people (Carrie and Chester) aren't dancing, they're locking up to wrestle. Then again, the wrestling they engage in is a dance of sort. Carrie has a big crush on Chester and everyone knows it, while Chester doesn't return her feelings. He still hangs out with her (most often by helping her with the dishes). It seems almost cruel of him. I'm not sure if it is or not. He doesn't owe her anything besides friedship, but wrestling already has a sexual element to it, first introduced when Chester and Sky wrestled earlier with Sky winning. Subsequent to this, Chester displayed feelings for Sky, while Carrie initiates wrestling with Chester on at least two separate occasions. So, wrestling is part of the initial dance of courtship... does that make any sense? Damned if I know...***
The full title of the book is I Never Liked You: A Comic-Strip Narrative, but the contents are a series of semi-connected/somewhat disjointed strips. What is the overall narrative? The book begins with a short prologue where a young Chester (grade four) swears while about to leave for school (he says 'shit') and his mother charges into the room, screaming at him to never say that word again while shaking him. As he walks to school with Connie (Carrie's older sister), she says, "My mother says that only crude and ignorant people use words like that." The story is how Chester defines himself in relationship to two things: women and swearing. His desire to embrace the former causes him to shun the latter. It's not entirely that simple, because he never actually achieves a healthy emotional connection to any of the women in the story. It's like he thinks simply not saying the wrong words is enough... it's a passive non-action and he never seems entirely comfortable taking real action. The one or two times he does, like in drawing a picture for Sky for Christmas, he shies away from his actions (he denies the obvious sympolism of the picture).
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It's weird to make such blanket statements about Chester since this isn't simply a character, it's a real person. But, I would hope that Chester Brown wouldn't care too much or be offended since that's a risk in telling stories about yourself: when you become a character, you open yourself to the same judgements and interpretations as fictional constructs.
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I don't like autobiographical comics usually, but I really, really like I Never Liked You.
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There's only two scenes depicted in the book that don't relate to Chester's relationship with a woman or to his refusal to say swear words. The first is a two-page, three-panel sequence where he takes a cracker out of a container, takes a bite, and then sees that, because of the bite he took, the cracker now resembles a heart. It's never identified as a heart, but it's impossible to mistake (unless I'm mistaken and, then, boy do I look like a moron...). Through action, Chester takes something unassuming and ordinary (a cracker) and turns it into a representation of love.
The other is a one-page sequence where Chester is walking down the street, sees a truck coming, imagines laying down in the street and having his head crushed by the truck, but doesn't do it. The truck speeds by, causing a gust of wind that makes Chester's hair stick out behind him. Chester considers action, but does nothing. That relates to the other ideas and themes of the book, but in an odd way. Here, Chester imagines dying and doesn't initiate it, but what does that have to do with actively pursuing a strong relationship with his mother or actually taking Sky out on a date? It's not readily apparent, but another big part of the book is Chester doing everything he can to be an individual and have his own identity. While his refusal to swear no doubt comes from his attempt to ingratiate himself with women, it also becomes his identity: he's the guy who doesn't say 'fuck.' He often avoids direct action, because he's selfish and unwilling to do anything that puts himself out. By acting, he would make himself vulnerable or leave his identity open to attack. Death would be the end of him (and his identity) and he won't take any action that could result in that.
At the end of the book, Sky comes over and finds Chester mowing the lawn. She invites him to the fair, but he refuses, wanting to go buy and listen to the new Kiss album. He chooses his own selfish, insular world instead of forming a genuine bond with her. If he had, he would cease to be Chester, he would become Sky's boyfriend -- part of a couple, a shared identity that's informed by another person. By choosing a Kiss album, he creates his own identity (no less informed by an external party, but a broad, general one that's almost impersonal).
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The way that Brown lays out the pages is interesting. Scenes usually begin or end with a page that contains a single panel. The scenes flow into one another with a gentle ease. Some are more important than others, showing more significant events. By displaying them equally, there's a sense of floating through Brown's memories. A lot of pages will have six or so panels, but they don't feel like a regular grid since Brown is pasting them onto the page. Each panel is its own little slice of the memory and the fact that it's on the same page with five others doesn't produce the same density as a regular six-panel grid. An odd effect that I can't fully explain.
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There's a Ulysses allusion that always stands out. Chester's mom is in a mental hospital and his father takes him and his brother to visit her. When it's time for Chester to say goodbye, he imagines himself saying 'I love you,' but he doesn't say it. He's unable to act for whatever reason. That reminds me of Stephen Dedalus being unwilling to kneel down and pray when his mother is dying.
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Early in the book, Chester is sitting in the library and two girls come up to him, claiming to have something to say to him, but they're interrupted by a group of boys who want to hastle Chester for not swearing. That identity once again prevents him from a connection of some sort with women...
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I don't know if I'll ever really understand why I like this book so much.
