Punchy has been receiving messages on his PDA from a secret admirer. Now, he thinks it is Destra... But it's Empty Vee. This issue revolves around this little secret and ends in crushing heartbreak. Didn't see that coming, did you.While not every issue uses the first page as effectively as this one, it begins with our standard shot of the Seminary and a voice (that we'll learn belongs to Mr. Hyde, who is teaching Secret Identity 101 as per the first issue) saying, "SECRETS. / THEY CAN BE A POWERFUL WEAPON IN YOUR ARSENAL. A WELL KEPT SECRET CAN SERVE AS THE ULTIMATE PROTECTION. / HOWVER... THEY CAN ALSO BE VERY DANGEROUS. THERE'S AN EXPLOSIVE QUALITY TO A SECRET OF ANY IMPORTANCE. / IF MAINTAINING ANY KIND OF SECRECY IS A VITAL COMPONENT OF YOUR LIFESTYLE, THERE'S ALWAYS THE POSSIBILITY OF THAT VERY SAME SECRET BEING USED AGAINST YOU..." Now, Mr. Hyde is discussing secret identities, but it relates to this issue as Empty Vee secretly messages Punchy.
Why does she do it in secret? Because she's afraid of rejection. So, the longer she maintains the secret, the more exciting it is and the longer she can put off any chance of rejection. Who does she share this secret with? Destra, who decided to set Empty Vee up by sending Punchy a message from Vee's handheld offering a meeting--so when Vee reads his response, it seems like he wants to meet her.
What follows is a brutal scene where Punchy pours his heart out and shares some of his secrets... until Vee reveals herself and he rejects her in as cold a manner as you will ever see. This is what people imagine when they imagine "worst case scenarios" with regards to rejection. Some choice snippets: "...THIS IS A STONE COLD JOKE, RIGHT?" "LOOK HERE, HONEY... I JUST DON'T RIDE IN BUSINESS CLASS." "...IN THE MEANTIME, GET ON THE YOGURT AND KEEP ON THE WHOLE TRANSPARENT TRIP! THE LESS YOU'RE SEEN -- THE BETTER!" Yeah, Punchy is a fucking asshole.
The lead-up to this emotional beat-down is rather typical in its cliches, but still entertaining. There's the scene in the cafeteria where Punchy sends Duke over to Destra to see if she's the one who's been sending messages. Duke responds much the way most of us would--he does it, but bitches about it. I do love his mumbling rant to himself: "...FREAKIN' GRADE SCHOOL CRAP... FIND OUT IF SHE LIKES HIM... / ...YOU MEAN 'LIKE HIM, LIKE HIM...?' / >>SIGH<<" Destra's response is typical of her: she sends him away and then sets off an explosion with a piece of a fingernail (to illustrate Casey's skill, note that Destra's superpower is explosive fingernails, she's the one who blows Vee's secret, and the use of the word "explosive" in the first page monologue...).
Destra's behaviour is very typical in its "bitchy teenage girl" manner: she encourages Vee, tells her that Punchy should be grateful to have her, and sends her off to be crushed... and you can tell she knows Vee will be crushed. There's also a contrast between the guys and the girls. While the guys openly mock Punchy about his secret admirer and make fun of him until he writes back, they're ultimately supportive of him (as Duke's actions demonstrate); Destra, on the other hand, is supportive on the surface and mocks Vee secretly, tricking her into an emotionally destructive situation. Casey paid attention in high school, clearly.
We also learn that Kefong's superpower is a chronal bubble, which he uses on Sgt. Stomp when Stomp spars with him to determine his skill level--and then uses the humiliating defeat to blackmail Stomp into acting as his personal slave.
This issue's info-scroll is free-ranging and not focused on any special topic. A few of my favourite bits:
* "MR. HYDE'S EX-WIFE HAS SINCE REMARRIED THE EVIL BRECK BEACHUM, MAD SCIENTIST AND LONGTIME ARCH-NEMESIS OF COMMANDER PRESENCE..." (Lois Lane divorced Clark Kent and married Lex Luthor...)
* "TEEN SURVIVAL TIP: WHEN CONFRONTED BY SUPERIORS, ALWAYS PLAY DUMB..."
* "FOR THE CONTINUITY BUFFS: DUKE HAS BEEN COMPLETELY REGULAR SINCE THE EVENTS OF LAST MONTH..."
* "DESTRA'S ADVICE ON TALKING TO BOYS: 'USE BIG WORDS. IT CONFUSES THEM...'"
* "TEEN MAMET-ESQUE TIP: ALWAYS BE CLOSING..."
Next issue: school dance!
