CBR Review: The Boys #24

The first of my CBR reviews is up. I reviewed The Boys #24 and, in my review, wrote the followings sentences (yeah, Tim, I'm stealing your format): "While some no doubt see this as more mockery of superheroes, it reads more like a mockery of young men and how stupid they can behave at times. In one scene, Blowchowski vomits in a fish tank and everyone celebrates, except for Hughie, who is a little bit older and just looks uncomfortable. Robertson’s art is perfectly matched with the disgusting nature of the party and with Hughie’s obvious discomfort at the whole thing."

You can read the review HERE!

Reviews for Comic Book Resources

As of this week, I am the newest reviewer for Comic Book Resources. I should be doing a few reviews each week there and will, of course, provide links when they go up. Thanks again to Tim Callahan for getting me the gig.

I Bought Comics: Fifth Week of October 2008

[Quick thoughts and musing concerning new comics. Not really reviews. Sorry.]

The Boys #24

Two years in and still a damn good comic. It would be easy to see the frat stuff here as making fun of superheroes when really it's making fun of young guys. They're idiots. Some nice little moments here, especially the Hughie/Annie one that teases the eventual revelation of who each really is. We also get a little bit more insight into Butcher and that he is much darker inside than we'd like to think. The frat humour kind of drags the issue down a little, but the other stuff makes up for it.

Holy War #6

So... Synnar is a demiurge (god's architect), but also a Lucifer figure. Starlin provding the art in the middle of this issue really picks it up, although some of it looks rushed. That double-page spread, though... wonderful. Thankfully, the plot isn't dealt with much here, most of the issue devoted to Synnar's past. Feels like more familiar territory for Starlin and is much more interesting than this series.

No Hero #2

A sparsh issue, mostly talking with little advancement, but lots of suggestion. Hints here and there at past events and conflicts. The main idea here is vigilanteism, and, notably, power in the hands of a few dedicated citizens instead of the government. The government here is to be disdained for its ineptitude and corruption, while the private citizen is somehow better... despite there being something not quite right about the whole thing. Hard to say exactly where this is going yet, but it will be interesting to see how it compares to Black Summer. Also, the end seems to be an effect of the psychedelic origins of FX7.

Secret Invasion: Thor #3

A strong ending, but I had a hard time getting over the tense problems in Fraction's prose. For the first few pages, it keeps shifting between past and present tense, finally settling into past tense for the remainder of the issue. It doesn't read that sloppy, but once you notice it, it's all you see. The big fight feels epic, which is a testament to Fraction's skill. This issue also benefits from not having that bland "child born the midst of conflict" story to deal with.

Thor #11

Loki's game is very good... mostly because all she's doing is telling the truth. The Steve Rogers stuff is very well done and recalls Thor's confrontation with Iron Man back in issue three a little... The commentary on TV pundits is always nice despite not being all that original. Really, though, the main thing here is the lead-up to the big conflict, which seems to be Baldur and Thor fighting for rule over Asgard--although, I don't think it will be that simple.

That does it for this week. Almost certainly not book of the week since none of these really stand out in that way. Maybe I'll look back to Aetheric Mechanics from last week.

Joe Casey Comics Update

Taking a break from our good friend Joe Casey as I decide what's next. Still need a few issues to complete his Adventures of Superman run; would prefer to get some "essential" editions and Earth's Mightiest Heroes II before tackling his "Fill in Stan Lee's plotholes" projects; need the final issue of Infantry; need to buy all of his Kiss and GI Joe work; am waiting for that new collected edition of Codeflesh; have a couple of his works back at my parents' house that I need to get (The Milkman Murders and Full Moon Fever); still need to get a few of his OGNs; and, finally, Automatic Kafka still seems too big for me to tackle just yet. Maybe I'll get into it next, though.

So, get used to some quiet time for now. I'll try and do some lengthier non-Casey posts in the coming weeks.

Later

The Splash Page 36: Bendis v. Morrison

In this week's Splash Page, Tim Callahan and I discuss this week's slew of Final Crisis and Secret Invasion books penned by Grant Morrison and Brian Michael Bendis. Not reading them, but want to know which to read? We tell you! Why? Because we know what is good and what is not. We're that awesomely arrogant. I won't tell you here which one we prefer, but you can probably guess. Maybe. I don't know. If you do guess and your guess is right, feel good about yourself. I don't really know what else to tell you since all of the information is in the column, really.

But, if you want to know who says "Absolutely! And why am I shouting?!? I don't know! But I can't stop! No event fatigue from this guy!" this week, look no further than... THE SPLASH PAGE!!!

Book of the Week 8: Final Crisis #4

[I choose a book of the week when I have something I want to discuss about one of the comics I got that week. It really has nothing to do with quality, it just needs to have set something off in me.]

I can't get the final page of this book out of my head. Mainly the title: "Darkseid Says." Darkseid says. What's the difference between that and Darkseid is? If you'll recall, that's how part four of "Rock of Ages" ended: Darkseid finally arrives on Earth and says, "DARKSEID IS" in response to the question of who is our god and ruler, etc. Here, Darkseid also arrives on Earth and gives us the thumbs down with the narration of Turpin/Darkseid saying, "GIVE IN."

Now, the comparisons between those two stories have been many for obvious reasons, some saying that Morrison is ripping himself off--I view it as Morrison retelling the story in altered form, because the JLA prevented the horrific future of "Rock of Ages," but they didn't stop Darkseid... not for good. They saved the Worlogog from destruction at the hands of Electric Superman... but did they save it forever? From what I gather, the Worlogog was dismantled or something by android Hourman who later died. It was given to him by Metron, who also gave a weapon to Anthro in issue one and has popped up through the Tattooed Man here... the Worlogog is necessary to defeat Darkseid and does humanity already have it? Notice the patterns showing up on the faces of Miracle Man and the Super Young Team... it also looks like a repeat of the end of "World War III" (the first one, not the one from 52) and Flex Mentallo...

But, that final page... what is the difference between "Darkseid says" and "Darkseid is"? It's obviously not a coincidence that the fourth part of each story ends with the arrival of Darkseid, but that difference between says and is... There's an obvious difference in power between the two. With "is," Darkseid simply exists, he has already won, he is already supreme... he doesn't need to DO anything, because his will is reality... With "says," Darkseid hasn't quite won yet, he still needs to act, he is not all powerful... It also references the idea of Darkseid's word is law, but that is still weaker than the Darkseid of "Rock of Ages," because, as I said, there, his simple existence is law. His son, Orion was to destroy and remake reality to eliminate him... what will the heroes have to do to this Darkseid? In a way, the difference here is a subtle, optimistic message on an otherwise depressing comic book page. We know that the good guys will win, but this almost suggests that all is not as bad as it was in "Rock of Ages." At least not yet. Although, Green Arrow is gone here, while he was instrumental in defeating Darkseid in "Rock of Ages"... again, surely not a coincidence.

And because I've been listening to a lot of Lou Reed this week, I can't help but make the connection between five of his songs and the title "Darkseid Says." After all, Reed has five songs where someone "says" in the title, "Candy Says," "Stephanie Says," "Lisa Says," and "Caroline Says" parts one and two... all are depressing songs, all about powerlessness and the influence of drugs/others overpowering the title character... That connection suggests that this comic should have been titled "Turpin Says" or "Dan Says," but since Turpin is Darkseid, there's no real difference. Throughout the issue, he fights and he fights and he fights against the darkness, but it's not enough. He's beaten down in the end. Okay, the connection between Reed and this comic isn't really there, most likely, but I can't help but see it a little bit. (And, hey, if Morrison is referencing Bowie over in Batman, it's not that much of a leap to Lou Reed...)

The similarities between "Rock of Ages" and Final Crisis grow, but I think the emphasis on the Worlogog will be much greater here since it wasn't actually used in "Rock of Ages." It was referenced, it was protected, but since Darkseid ruled an Earth where it didn't exist, it was never used. So far, Morrison seems to be pointing towards its emergence as the key to defeating Darkseid... I guess we'll see.

Lesser Known Joe Casey Comics: The Authority Annual 2000

[Another one of the lesser known Joe Casey comics. As always, I will end my post by telling you if it should remain lesser known.]

I mentioned this in my post on the Wildcats 2000 annual that Casey also wrote, but this is part of the "Devil's Night" story that swept the four Wildstorm annuals released in October of 2000. Joe Casey wrote two and Ben Raab wrote two; Raab's two actually dealt with the plot of the crossover, while Casey's just kind of... featured some characters coming back from the dead as a result of said plot. In the case of the Wildcats annual, Casey continued his stellar work with those characters and used the annual as a means of exploring what being a former Wildcat means, and to comment on family/loyalty/etc. In the case of this book... Casey wrote a script and Cully Hamner drew a comic based on it and some people bought it and then totally forgot about it because it's not that good.

There are two stories here: the reactivation of Cold War superweapons, and the return of three of Apollo and Midnighter's former Stormwatch teammates who died on their first mission. Neither story is all that impressive.

In the first, zombie Soviets pilot a giant warship and are killed by the Authority. This reactivates Adam Bomb, a superhuman that blows up and can't stop doing it--he just wants to die. So, the Doctor deactivates his powers and Apollo burns his head off with heat vision.

In the second, those three former-black ops Stormwatch members show up on the Carrier--somehow. Swift, Apollo and Midnighter fight them and kill them again, because zombies break easily apparently.

I don't know what else to tell you. This is the post-Ellis Authority and it's edgy and contains explicit references to Apollo and Midnighter's sexuality in that heavy-handed way Ellis never really descended into. The Adam Bomb idea is interesting, but nothing much is done with it. This is a forgettable type of story and suits the annual format.

I do wonder why, at the end, they're amazed that Lamplighter's lamp looks old Stormwatch tech, though... he was one of Bendix's bastards... They wore Stormwatch logos on their uniforms... what the hell?

Should this remain a lesser known Joe Casey comics? Yeah. It's not bad or anything, and I'm sure some would get a thrill out of seeing Apollo and Midnighter fight some superzombies, after all, Marvel Zombies sells huge for that very reason. For me, there isn't much here. When you compare it to the Wildcats annual, it looks even worse. Cully Hamner's art is its typical greatness, though. If you see this in a quarter bin or something, check it out, but it's not exactly worth hunting for.

I Bought Comics: Fourth Week of October 2008

[Fragments, impressions, reactions... not reviews. Maybe rants. We'll see how it goes. This is me talking about comics I bought today.]

This may be one of the better weeks for comics in a while. Except for the shit. Fucking shit. You won't ruin my great comics week. My girlfriend is expecting me to be excited about today's comics, because I said I was going to be... on Friday. That's right, Fourth Week of October 2008, I was talking you up last Friday, that's how awesome you looked then. And you are awesome. I am excited to have gotten comics today. I am. So damn excited, people.

Aetheric Mechanics: A Graphic Novella

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... Sherlock Holmes in science fiction London solving the case of a man who wasn't there. The ending is superbly metafictional. The art is detailed and the characters realistic... in their unreality. There's one panel on the third-last page that makes the book... the art in that panel just fucking makes the book. A wonderful little story and probably the best thing I got this week. And that's on a week with Criminal, and Scalped.

Captain America #43

Not bad, but I would have almost preferred a short break, a breather issue after the epic that was the previous 18 issues (really, the previous 42 issues, but the previous 18 comprised one story explicitly). Like I said, this isn't a bad comic, it's just as good as every other issue of Brubaker's run... I just don't feel like another story yet, I guess. That's my hang-up, though. It's just... fuck, another story featuring something from the past, someone ied to the Winter Soldier... we get some panels featuring the new Captain America fighting AIM, the Wrecker and Skrulls... it would almost be nice to just have a one-off issue with something like that instead of this. Just a short break. Then again, given that issue, I may have demanded more of this and wondered why I was reading just another typical superhero comic story in a book that's better than that. Maybe, sometimes, there's no winning with me. Maybe I suck. Unlike this comic, which is quite good.

Criminal #6

Nothing much happens, but so fucking much happens. Well done, Mr. Brubaker and Mr Phillips. You manage to impress every month and I'm left with nothing to say. Again. Except that this is a fantastically crafted comic book that gets me to care about these broken imperfect people who do bad things.

Final Crisis: Submit and Final Crisis #4

Submit isn't essential to understanding issue four, but it really does help. Which is a shame, because Submit is probably the second-worst comic book I got today. It's probably the worst Morrison-penned comic I've gotten in... when did I last get a Grant Morrison book this mediocre? I don't know! But, it sets up a couple of things in issue four--you will understand issue four without it, though. However, knowing you all as I do, if you're buying Final Crisis you were probably picking Submit up, too. The art is especially mediocre ugly. I will use other words than "mediocre," I will. I've been buying the sliver covers since I like the design, but I almost almost almost got the regular cover for issue four. Goddamn, that is a fantastic image. And issue four is pretty good as we see that evil hasn't quite won yet... ooops, yes it did. Turpin Darkseid has decided the fate of us all and it's thumbs down, I'm afraid. That means only one thing: Darkseid is going to Batista bomb Superman or something. (Oh, and Carlos Pacheco's art works well here, partly because he's talented and not entirely dissimilar from JG Jones, but also because of Alex Sinclair's colouring, which really holds the art together this issue.)

New Avengers #46

My fault. I won't penalyse you, Fourth Week of October 2008 because I picked up an issue of a comic that I dropped last week because it's been sucking a whole lot. I hoped this issue would be one of those rare worthwhile issues tying into Secret Invasion, but it's not. It is so goddamn worthless. Four pages of story stretched out for an entire comic. Goddamn.

Scalped #22

Best comic I buy each month. Hands down. Red Crow is quickly becoming one of those Characters You Always Remember. Dash who?????

Secret Invasion #7

And, thus, Noh-Varr is used correctly for the first time since Marvel Boy #6. A solid, solid issue because of its focus, the little one-liners and the plot actually moving forward without hints of Important Things Happening Elsewhere. That opening double-page spread bothers me because the composition of the battle isn't entirely clear. It seemed that the two sides were heading at one another face-on, but the composition here has the Skrulls surrounding the heroes... we have characters shouting to take out Spider-Woman, but she's behind them... what? But, I am looking forward to next issue.

Aside from my own mistake, Fourth Week of October 2008, you were just as wonderful as I said you would be. Lovely.

Book of the Week 7: Mighty Avengers #19

[The Book of the Week is a comic that I got this week that I feel like discussing in more detail. It is chosen not for quality, but just because I find it interesting in some way, good or bad. I don't do this every week.]

Gee, what a surprise, I am discussing the issue that features Noh-Varr and Captain Mar-Skrull... What can I say, I have a strange attachment to that alternate reality-hopping Kree and a slight affection for Mar-Vell thanks to Jim Starlin. Surprisingly, my complaints about this issue have nothing to do with the characterisation of Noh-Varr--so little happens with him that there isn't anything to do upset over. His reaction to the return of Mar-Vell is intriguing as he's unsure what to think about him. I'm not sure Noh-Varr would necessarily feel such a connection to the Kree of this universe, because they're not much more advanced than humans compared to the Kree of his reality. That actually raises an interesting question: if you travel to an alternate reality where everyone is thousands of years behind where you are, would you actually see them as being the same as you? Something about Noh-Varr tells me that he wouldn't. His attitudes toward the barbarous humans suggests that he wouldn't think much more of the Kree.

Ignoring that question, his uncertainty about Mar-Vell is compelling. The issue begins with him trying to contact the Kree and then Mar-Vell reappears... was he sent by the Kree? Does he know about Noh-Varr? Noh-Varr has learned that Mar-Vell betrayed the Kree for humanity, but is that necessarily wrong? The Illuminati suggested Noh-Varr take up his mantle... What does this all mean? All interesting questions and not a completely inane way to treat Noh-Varr. But, then we shift gears to Mar-Skrull and the issue kind of sits there.

Some have jumped on Mighty Avengers and New Avengers for not actually featuring the Avengers, telling these little one-off Secret Invasion-related stories. I think that's a smart approach, except that the execution is lacking. Bendis devotes entire issues to stories that barely deserve half an issue. A much more effective route would have been to put two stories in each issue, especially since most of them are simply "Here's how this character was replaced by a Skrull!" After seeing it once, the novelty soon wears thin. This issue isn't like that, but it isn't much better as Bendis strings together scenes of Mar-Skrull combating Skrulls that we've seen in issues of Secret Invasion, expanding upon them and providing narration by Mar-Skrull. The narrative captions are interesting as the Mar-Vell and Skrull personalities combat for dominance... but, there's not much else to it.

At the end of the issue, Noh-Varr finds Mar-Skrull after he's crashed into the Earth after destroying some Skrull ships... and discovers that the returned Mar-Vell is actually a Skrull. And that's it. It's frustrating, because this will no doubt be followed up in the pages of Secret Invasion, but feels very incomplete here. The Mar-Skrull internal struggle stuff is pretty bland and uninteresting, while Noh-Varr dealing with this relevation after the set-up of the first few pages holds a lot of cool possibilities.

In a sense, this issue's biggest failing is teasing the reader with a better story idea--and not finishing the story it begins. Cutting down on the Mar-Skrull stuff and increasing the Noh-Varr plot would have worked a lot better. Not only that, but the preview of next issue pretty much tells us that this plot won't be continued next issue--then when? Again, I assume in Secret Invasion, but way to just leave it hanging there, you know?

What an odd mix... a plot that doesn't really deserve an entire issue and hints at a plot that could have made for an interesting comic book. It's not enough to provide a mediocre comic, Bendis has to tease us with the idea of a decent one.

Khoi Pham's art is serviceable, although the flashbacks to moments from Mar-Vell's life doesn't help since all it does is remind us of the far superior artists who drew those moments. (I should reread my Jim Starlin cosmic stuff...)

The funny thing about these Secret Invasion issues of Mighty Avengers and New Avengers is that it's caused me to drop the titles from my pull list when the Civil War issues of New Avengers got me reading the books. I haven't given up on these series entirely, but they don't get a pass anymore, not after months of half-complete or undeserving stories.

Joe Casey Comics: The Intimates #12

[Concluding my look at Joe Casey's The Intimates.]

The end of the road. This was Joe Casey's final work not just at Wildstorm but DC as well. Why will become apparent--on both ends--as The Intimates seems to have been a breaking point. Casey frustrated with its lack of success and dealing with corporate policy; DC/Wildstorm with its lack of success and Casey's rebellious attitude as exhibited in this issue's infoscrolls. I'm still surprised they printed some of this stuff, honestly. But, first thing's first: how lovely is that cover? Might as well begin there. Not quite the cover you'd expect, is it? Hell, it wasn't the cover I expected either; just look at the preview of issue 12 in issue 11:



What happened to that cover, I wonder...

I'll get into the meaning of the cover image later, preferring to focus (for now) on the text at the top. Normally, it proclaims characters featured in the issue, but here it reads: "PYRRHUS! MEDEA! HERACLES! OCEANUS! ACHILLES!" This is obviously meant to point to archetypes that the Intimates (all characters?) fall into, and there are some obvious candidates for them, but I'm not exactly sure who would be who. Maybe they aren't meant to match up exactly--I could see Duke being Heracles or Achilles, but also think that Kefong seems more like Achilles since he seems so perfect and while we never really saw his weakness, he must have one. Destra seems like a good candidate for Medea (who's her Jason?)... I'm assuming the Pyrrhus here is Achilles's son, also known as Neoptolemus--is this Punchy? Oceanus was a Titan and the fluidity almost seems a references to Sykes and his null field and powers... or even Empty Vee whose invisibility allow her a certain fluidity in movement. Of course, going by powers seems wrong, but the obvious point to look. I don't know enough about these various mythological figures to really account for personality (although I have read Medea and that really is Destra).

This points to a larger part of this final issue, which seems to be about influences of various types. If it's not mythological, it's '80s comics, or it's our parents and teachers. Nothing is new, everything is recycled, and it all fades away to be recycled again.

The cover of the issue has an issue of Agent Boss Tempo's comic fading away--not the final issue of said comic, though, which we learn is #988 (a number that is twelve away from 1000--the twelve issues of The Intimates? And, also, alludes to 1988...) in this issue as Punchy freaks out over his favourite comic being cancelled. Throughout this issue, we see panels from that final issue, each of which offer an allusion to seminal comics from the '80s. In the first, Tempo confronts his nemesis, Osiris, in an attemt to stop his plan and Osiris responds, "AGENT TEMPO, I'M NOT A REPUBLIC SERIAL VILLAIN. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I'D EXPLAIN MY MASTERSTROKE IF THERE REMAINED THE SLIGHTEST CHANCE OF YOU AFFECTING ITS OUTCOME? / I DID IT THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES AGO." This, of course, is a quote of Ozymandias's famous speech in Watchmen (Osiris is a reference to the Egyptian god of the dead--cancellation!). In the second, Tempo lays shot and thinks, "THIS WOULD BE A GOOD DEATH... / ...BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH," a quote from The Dark Knight Returns. The third has Tempo holding a gun to Osiris's head and saying, "...WHEN IT COMES TO THAT ONE FINAL, FATAL ACT OF ENDING YOU... / ...MY GUN HAS NO BULLETS," which is a reference I don't get (a little help?), but I'm assuming is another big one. [Edit: Steve points out in the comments that this is from Frank Miller's Daredevil run, which I should have known.] We do get another Tempo bit, at the very end of this issue, but it doesn't appear to be an allusion to another work, but I could be wrong.

The end of Supersonic Espionage Boom not only matches the end of this series, but the end of Punchy, in a way. Agent Boss Tempo has long been his fictional inspiration/guide and with him going away, how can Punchy remain really? The inclusion of the above Tempo panels happen at key points in the issue and do relate to what is going on with Punchy at the time. When we get to the end, it seems that the end of Tempo's story provides an answer to the question raised at the end of the Intimates' story.

Before we get to the story, I also want to point out the simplicity of this cover. There is no text over the main image, no attempt to mimic a magazine look, no indication of what happens inside... this is a cover that has given up and just isn't trying anymore. Sad, but true.

Now to the actual issue...

This issue is about the conflict between young and old. The Intimates (as we may as well call them that) know that something is wrong with the Seminary. There are three visiting corporate bigwigs including Destra's father and Jack Marlowe. The kids get in touch with Marlowe figuring that he will be willing to listen... he turns in Destra, though. In a sense, it's all about Destra versus Daddy. That's pretty much the motive behind everything she's done... and he does seem like a giant asshole, but it's still a little sad.

Ultimately, they rescue Destra, break into the teleportation lab mentioned back in issue two and are about to escape when Marlowe teleports the faculty into the lab... and there is a major shout-off until the Intimates either teleport away or are incinerated by the cancellation button (there even's a panel of Punchy screaming "YO! NOT THE CANCEL BUTTON--! / I CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER CANCELLATION, MAN!"). Casey provides some insight into this in the infoscroll: "THE FINAL FRONTIER: PREPARE FOR WHAT SOME LIKE TO CALL, THE 'KAFKA GAMBIT'..." and "TELEPORTATION OR DISINTEGRATION? U-DECIDE!..." Automatic Kafka ended with Casey and Ashley Wood taking the character off the board for fear that another creator would use him--and Casey does the same thing here with these characters. As a result, The Intimates and Automatic Kafka don't actually fit into Wildstorm continuity really despite taking place in the shared universe.

The teachers/students conflict isn't all unified as Miss Klanbaid argues on behalf of the students (or, as Casey puts it in the infoscroll: "WE HAVE JUST WITNESSED MISS KLANBAID'S ULTIMATE FUNCTION IN THIS SERIES: ADVOCATE FOR STUDENTS' RIGHTS...") and Professor Bentley doesn't immediately push the cancellation button.

Marlowe's role is a bit more complex. He doesn't supercede the wish of Destra's father, but he also isn't in line with the other adults. On one page, he teleports Punchy to a mental institute where Dead Kid Fred is staying. This scene is juxtaposed with the allusion to The Dark Knight Returns, suggesting that Punchy does pity Fred, but also looks down on him in a way. After all, Fred didn't die, which Punchy says--how could he be strong enough to live but not strong enough to keep on living in a meaningful way? Punchy can't quite understand.

One of my favourite parts of the issue is a page where Casey can't help but rewrite the dialogue to mock Ale Garza's art. The panel is supposed to show the teen crawling through an airduct, but the dialogue reads:

Empty Vee: "AND, UH, WHY ARE WE JUST FLOATING HEADS IN HERE...?!"

Punchy: "TAKE A WILD GUESS..."

Kefong: "WHAT ABOUT THE LOOK ON MY FACE? YIKES...!"

The art is truly horrendous. On one page, Destra's father looks like a child or one of those Mii avatars on the Nintendo Wii. This is a comic where the fill-in pages by Carlos D'Anda are the best pieces of art (and I have a history of hating D'Anda's art).

Another notable event is when Sykes uses his null field to activate the teleporter. Empty Vee is impressed and says, "I KNEW HE WAS WITH THE PROGRAM...!"

The infoscroll of this issue is my favourite as Casey uses it to discuss the series in general. The information he shares amazes me, mostly because they printed it. This bunch of infoscroll items will be plentiful in number and say quite a bit about the book:

* "ANATOMY OF AN INTIMATE IDEA: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT TO BUCK TRENDS AND SELL BOOKS...?"

* "ANSWER TO THE QUESTION POSED IN THE INFO SCROLL ON THE PREVIOUS PAGE: YOU CREATE A TEEN SUPERHERO BOOK WHERE NOTHING MUCH IS MEANT TO HAPPEN..."

* "THE CONFUSION IN THE MARKET COMICS OFFICES [publisher of Supersonic Espionage Boom] IS LEGENDARY WITHIN THE INDUSTRY..."

* "FIRST SMART MOVE: GET ONE OF THE HOTTEST ARTISTS IN AMERICA TO DESIGN THE LEADER CHARACTERS, DO COVERS, ETC. TO ENSURE CONCEPT LONGEVITY AND INTER-COMPANY PRIORITY AND MARKETING SUPPORT..."

* "OF COURSE, THE WRITER PUSHES FOR A MINI-SERIES TO TEST AN UNCERTAIN, SOMETIMES HOSTILE MARKETPLACE, BUT OTHERS ASSESS WITH MORE CERTAINTY THAT IT SHOULD BE A FULL-ON MONTHLY SERIES (GOTTA LOVE THAT KIND OF OPTIMISM!)..."

* "FINDING AN ARTIST: ALWAYS A RISKY PROPOSITION, BUT FATE SMILES AND A GREAT ONE CLIMBS ONBOARD..."

* "IN THE 'ALL SYSTEMS GO' DEPT: EVERYTHING'S IN PLACE, DESPITE AN INTERMINABLE DEVELOPMENT PROCESS (THE WHEELS CAN TURN SLOWLY AT THE BIG CORPORATIONS), AND THE LAUNCH IS GOOD..."

* "A CULT BOOK IS BORN: CREATOR CHEMISTRY IS APPRECIATED, IF NOT REWARDED (BUT, HEY, SOME CREATORS ARE COMFORTABLE WITH THEIR CULT STATUS)..."

* "SUB-IMPRINT BLUES: THEY HAVE NO STAYING POWERS, NOR THE LURE OF BIG CHARACTERS (PLUS, SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO STAND UP STRAIGHT)..."

* "ARTISTIC INTEGRITY VS. THE BRIGHT AND SHINY OBJECT: NO CONTEST, MY FRIENDS (THE LUNCHBOX CHARACTERS ALMOST ALWAYS WIN OUT)..."

* "CORPORATE ATTITUDE IN ACTION: DO WHAT THEY WANT WHEN THEY WANT AND DON'T ALLOW NOTIONS OF 'LASTING ART' TO STAND IN THE WAY..."

* "ANOTHER CULT FAVORITE: SOME SERIES AREN'T MEANT TO SELL BIG, BUT THAT DOESN'T NEGATE THEIR IMPORTANCE (NOR DOES IT NEGATE READERS' AFFECTION FOR THEM)..."

* "GETTING SUCKED IN: STRETCHING A MINI-SERIES PREMISE INTO AN ONGOING CONCERN CAN BE A CHALLENGE (ESPECIALLY IN THE CURRENT CLIMATE)..."

* "INFO SCROLL ITEMS ARE GENERALLY WRITTEN FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, BEFORE THE WRITER IS TRULY AWAKE AND CAN FULLY ACCEPT THE LITERARY NIGHTMARE THAT HAS BEEN UNLEASHED..."

* "CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE: LACK OF PERSPECTIVE AND AN IGNORANCE OF THE LONGTERM VIEW KILLS TIMELESSNESS EVERY TIME, AND THE EXAMPLES ARE EVERYWHERE..."

* "THE QUALITY OF AN ORIGINAL SERIES WILL ALWAYS BE IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO THE COMMITMENT OF THE CREATIVES INVOLVED..."

* "THE FACTS OF LIFE: CHARACTERS' LIVES EXIST ON THE PAGE AND WITHIN THE IMAGINATIONS OF INVESTED READERS..."

* "QUALITY-VS-QUANTITY: DOES A BOOK HAVE TO BE A HIT TO BE GOOD? AND IS THAT THE ULTIMATE QUALIFICATION FOR COMMITMENT TO SERVICE? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW..."

* "FOXHOLE MENTALITY (INSIDE JOKE): AS THE RATS JUMP FROM THE SINKING SHIP, WHO IS LEFT TO SAIL THE OLD GIRL HOME...?"

* "LIMPING TO THE FINISH LINE: ASSESSING THE SITUATION, ONLY CERTAIN CONCLUSIONS END UP MAKING SENSE TO RETAIN ANY SORT OF CREATIVE CONTROL..."

* "THIS IS THE FINAL PAGE OF INTIMATE INFO SCROLL MATERIAL; OPEN THE CHAMPAGNE AND BREAK OUT THE GLASSES..."

* "PERSPECTIVE TIP: TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS, NOT ALL SECRETS ARE REVEALED AND NEVER SAY NEVER..."

As to whether or not the Intimates die at the end, the final page of the comic features a full page of Agent Boss Tempo escaping (just barely) an explosion. The final two panels offer a bit of commentary as Tempo thinks, "THESE MISSIONS GET MORE AND MORE COMPLEX. I WONDER IF I'VE OUTLIVED MY USEFULNESS... / I GUESS I COULD TAKE THIS AS SOME SORT OF SIGN! AFTER ALL, HOW MANY SUPER SECRET AGENTS DOES THE WORLD NEED...?" The commentary here seems to be about Casey himself, about how these creator-owned (which Wildcats Version 3.0 basically was) aren't worth the effort at Wildstorm anymore. And does the comic book world need another teen superhero book? In the final panel, there is a bit of hope offered as the captions reads: "AGENT TEMPO LEAVES THAT FINAL QUESTIONS HANGING IN THE AIR... UNANSWERED AND UNRESOLVED. / WITH THE VAST, DARK OCEAN STRETCHING OUT BEFORE HIM IN ALL DIRECTIONS, AN EERIE CALM COMES OVER THIS OLD SOLDIER OF FREEDOM. / WITH THE SOLEMN ACCEPTANCE OF HIS OWN FATE, THERE ALSO COMES THE AFFIRMATION THAT ALL IS NOT LOST... THAT SOMEONE WILL FIND HIM... THAT SOMEONE WILL RECOGNIZE HIM... / ...SOMEDAY." I think that can apply to both Casey and The Intimates.

That about does it, but I'll leave you with a final link to Casey discussing the issue and series with Matt Fraction in a Basement Tapes column.

The Splash Page 35: The Cure for the Superhero Blues

In this week's Splash Page, Tim Callahan and I discuss how to get over mediocre superhero comics that just fucking ruin everything for you. It's a problem I've been having lately, so Tim, like the solid guy he is, decided to help me out with it and work through it. And work through it we do. We discuss great regular superhero books, alternative superhero books and books that have no superheroes. And yet we don't discuss porn comics, which you would think would help get over the superhero blues. Either through naked breasts or showing you that quality can get worse. Huh. How did we miss that?

Anyway, there may be no boob talk, but there is some Glamourpuss talk in... THE SPLASH PAGE!!!

Joe Casey Comics: The Intimates #11

[Continuing my look at Joe Casey's The Intimates. The last issue will be discussed tomorrow.]

To call these final two issues awful would be wrong, but not by much. I'm not sure exactly where the blame lies as the art is some of the worst I've seen in a comic book and is such a giant step down from Giuseppe Camuncoli that I would be tempted to call it a "leap off a cliff" down instead of step down. Ale Garza's characters vaguely resemble who they're supposed to be, but look distorted, years younger, very ugly, and, really, he's just not up to the tone set by the book to this point. However, I'm not that focused on the art most of the time and very rarely does it outright ruin a comic for me (although, this would come very, very close).

Joe Casey's writing here is not great. The plot is convoluted while being empty of substance, which is a weird trick to pull off. The jump-cut technique of previous issues falls flat here... and the story really just devolves into a heavy-handed young versus old conflict. As an allegory it's not horrible, but that's all it really is by the end, and that's not really enough.

In this issue, school is back in session, and Punchy and Destra prepare to take action after their summer findings. There are new teachers, lectures and Kefong has a new costume. Not much else happens. The conflict between the people behind the Seminary, the faculty and our core group of students heats up--over what is hard to say. It never really goes beyond "Do what we say because we say so," but that's next issue more than this one.

The seeds are planted with Destra questioning a teacher in class about morality, except Destra's outburst seems driven by nothing more than a desire to disagree with the teacher. Even her fellow students look at her like she's crazy (but is that what Casey wanted or is that what the artist drew?). Obviously, the book is about teenage rebellion and the questioning of authority, and how, sometimes, there's nothing to it beyond a desire to question for the sake of questioning... But, we're supposed to side with the kids, it seems, and that's difficult when their heads are up their asses most of the time. That's teenagers, though. If Casey did one thing right in this book, it was capturing the feeling of being a teenager and how teenagers are (they're selfish, self-absorbed assholes... it's true). If anything, the book fails because it tries to be objective, it tries to show that the adults are unfair/clueless and that the teens are morons/assholes at the same time, which may be true but doesn't work in a narrative sense here. It breaks from the teen drama mould it's based on in tone, but never transcends it in plot.

This issue continues to imply that Sykes and Vee are something special, but I'm still not sure exactly what Casey means here. At the end of the issue, three corporate bigwigs come to the Seminary to observe and offer suggestions despite objections by Miss Klanbaid: Abraham Zazz, a fashion designer for superheroes; David Swan, Destra's father and exec at Devonshire; and Jack Marlowe, CEO of Halo.

The actions of Punchy and Destra in this issue are to begin to inform their fellow Intimates of what they learned over the summer (which isn't actually much when you think about it) and lay plans to escape from the Seminary before something worse happens.

But, that's next issue.

Infoscroll items from this issue:

* "A SENSE OF HUMOR CANNOT BE EDITED OUT OF THE COLLECTIVE SOUL OF HUMANITY, ALTHOUGH CERTAIN ENTITIES CERTAINLY TRY (THUS EXPOSING THEIR LACK OF SAID SENSE)..."

* "FUNNY HOW THE WORD 'FASCIST' BINGS UP SO MANY EMOTIONS FOR ME, ESPECIALLY CONCERNING THIS SERIES..."

* "DESTRA'S WILDEST MOMENT OF TEENAGE REBELLION: (CENSORED FOR GOOD TASTE AND LACK OF SENSE OF HUMOR ON SOMEBODY'S PART)..."

* "CAN SYKES HEAR VEE? CAN HE UNDERSTAND HER? IS THERE ACTUAL COMMUNICATION TAKING PLACE? U-DECIDE..."

* "HEY, IF YOU THINK THESE INFO SCROLLS ARE WEAK THIS ISSUE, JUST WAIT UNTIL NEXT ISSUE..."

* "THE SEARCH FOR LOYALTY AND COMMITMENT IS A FUTILE ENDEAVOR WITHIN THE PAGES OF THIS PARTICULAR SERIES; ONE MUST LOOK ELSEWHERE FOR THE TRUE VIRTUES OF HUMANITY..."

* "AT SOME POINT IN THE NEAR FUTURE, NONE OF THIS WILL BE AN ISSUE..."

* "NUMBER OF INFO SCROLL ITEMS THAT HAVE GOTTEN KICKED BACK FOR THE MOST RIDICULOUS OF REASONS: AT LEAST FIVE..."

* "CRAWLING TO THE FINISH LINE BY OUR FINGERNAILS; WOULDN'T YOU RATHER BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?"

Next issue, it all ends and Casey's infoscroll stuff gets even more vicious, angry, sad and human. See you tomorrow.

I Bought Comics: Third Week of October 2008

[Impressions, ramblings, rantings, disjointed thoughts... just don't call them reviews, okay?]

A couple of site notes: new Intimates post will go up tomorrow, so I'll conclude my look at that book with two straight days of exciting analysis (exciting seems like the wrong word, I know). And, no book of the week this week, because nothing I got has spurred me (yet) to want to write more on it. (Edit: It will be Mighty Avengers #19 as things have occurred to me. I may leave that post until Sunday, though. We'll see.)

Astonishing X-Men #27

It's rather impressive how Warren Ellis can take a concept and push it a little further out. Mutants from alternate earths? The Chinese X-Men who devoted themselves to thought and research instead of superheroics? Simple ideas that add a lot of possibilities to the X-Men--and also don't stray too far beyond the limitations of the book. Ellis provides a few good laughs in this issue with Cyclops saying "fucking" and everyone freaking out--also works as commentary on the new direction for the character. Wolverine's reactions to Scott in this issue are rather good. Simone Bianchi's art still doesn't do it for me, but it's less muddled here than in previous issues. Some Ellisisms that will no doubt annoy some, but fuck them, who cares what they think, I sure don't.

Captain Britain and MI:13 #6

Something doesn't feel right... The threat isn't threatening... A deal with the devil is mundane... the Spitfire/Blade stuff is quite good and makes this issue worthwhile. I am expecting an all-out battle with an army of Mindless Ones in future issues, although, it seems almost stupid to do that so soon after Nextwave did it (and, yes, two years ago is still too soon when it comes to Nextwave). The last page provides a good cliffhanger... and a logical one at that. Paul Cornell's tying Captain Britain's powers to his confidence still looks like it will hold a lot of potential.

Charlatan Ball #4

The problem: this wants to be a light-hearted action/comedy type of book with hints of mind-bending bits... when it doesn't do that. It's still a fun, light-hearted book, it's just that nothing really makes me laugh when that seems to be a goal. It also can't quite get out from the under the shadow cast by Gødland, which has a similar art style (both very Kirby-influenced) and similar characters... I mean, the Gang of Four Gods from this issue look like they jumped out of an issue of Gødland! This book seems like it should be looking to Ditko instead of Kirby, which would then make it complement Gødland rather than seem like it's baby brother who just isn't as great. I know, I know, Kirby did do The Demon, which is an obvious influence, but Ditko's Strange Tales work seems a more logical place to look. But, that's not what Casey and Andy Suriano are going for, sadly.

Ghost Rider #28

Hey, look, my comic book is a whole dollar more because Marvel decided to include the entire backstory for the characters! Thanks a whole fucking bunch! What, they can put out FREE books that do the same thing as give-aways, but they charge a buck for it when it's in the fucking comic? Christ. I know, I know, I know, I know, some people (including me) don't know the whole history of these characters, but, you know what, Jason Aaron has been doing a good job of giving us the information we need to know. And why wait until now to provide this backstory? Ugh. The issue itself is decent, although the addition of other Spirits of Vengeance seems a little obvious in that it seems every superhero in the past few years has realised that he/she isn't not alone and there is a bigger world out there with legions of others just like him/her. Maybe if the other Spirits of Vengeance had different powers or something, it might be interesting, but I just kind of shrugged at it here. Do look forward to next issue's fight, though.

Mighty Avengers #19

I dropped this and New Avengers from my pull list today (along with Iron Fist). While I've been enjoying Secret Invasion well enough, these little tie-in issues have ranged only from waste-of-my-fucking-money to passable. This one was a waste of my fucking money. What did we learn here that we haven't learned in the main book? No--really. What else did we learn? Not a goddamn thing. There was one positive, though: at no point in this issue was Noh-Varr called Marvel Boy. Other than that, these books get flipped through at the shop from now on and if they look like they're worth $3.50, I will buy them. I should have did this months ago.

Rasl #3

I really need to reread the first two issues. I followed along just fine, but it's been a while and I'd like to see how it's all tying together right now. I love love love alternate realities and how the story itself here seems really simple, although is presented in a more obtuse, complicated manner because of those involved. Also, the implicit questions raised about different versions of people on alternate earths and such. Smith's art is still growing on me.

That does it for this week.

Joe Casey Comics: The Intimates #10

[Continuing my look at Joe Casey's The Intimates. Only two more issues after this one and they'll be discussed on Thursday and Saturday.]

The final summer vacation issue. Is it over already? Really? Damn. It may have been a little boring, a little meandering, but it's still better than school, right? Right? We'll look back on these three issues as the best time we spent reading The Intimates, I'm sure.

Destra and Punchy conclude their journey into the heart of Devonshire by visiting a factory in Montana (I believe). Not much actually happens or is learned, but there is a funny moment when Destra uses an EMP to disable the security... and then later tries to use one of the company computers. Punchy damn near pisses himself laughing at her. This emphasises that despite their training, these are just inexperienced kids, really. Inside the factory, they come across Sparky, a former student at the Seminary last seen in issue four where he used his electric powers to "spike" the punch. He apparently powers or works as security at the factory now? The issue begins with brief flashbacks to him being put to work by someone. He attacks Punchy and Destra, but they manage to fight him off and escape.

The actual fight sequence is well done with a haze of action and a mix of big and small panels. It's not exactly clear all of the time, but that works for it. The two escape in a river or the sewers or something (that's unclear) and Punchy perfoms CPR on Destra, which leads to the wonderful closing line of "HEH. / TOUCHED YOUR BOOB," as they lay there resting from the ordeal.

Empty Vee has moved up in the world and is sleeping with the lead singer of the headlining act. Duke is back at home and has an experience with UFOs and his mentaly challenged sister who is kept in a small shed.

The best part of this issue is Casey's use of the infoscroll to look back on and discuss summer vacation. During the four-page fight sequence between Sparky and Destra/Punchy, he even slows down/spaces out the infoscroll items to match the fast pace of the action. Probably one of the best uses of the infoscroll as a coherant whole. Some of the best parts:

* "WELL, SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT THE INFO SCROLLS COME AND GO IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE EMOTIONAL TENOR OF THE SCENE. IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. IT'S JUST ANOTHER TRICK WE'VE COME UP WITH IN A DESPERATE GRASP FOR ORIGINALITY. LIKE USING THE INFO SCROLLS THEMSELVES TO RAMBLE ON ABOUT THE CONCEPTS OF SUMMER, JUST AS WE'RE REACHING THE END OF THE THREE MONTH SUMMER VACATION STORY IN THE BOOK ITSELF (AN IDEA THAT CAME TO ME IN THE SHOWER, BY THE WAY)..."

* "SUMMER DOESN'T EXIST FOR ADULTS..."

* "REMEMBER WHEN YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF SUMMER WERE SO GREAT..."

* "AND RATHER APPROPRIATE, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. THREE MONTHS OF JOYOUS FREEDOM VS. NINE MONTHS OF CONFORMIST HELL. KINDA SUMS UP THE RATIO OF LIFE IN GENERAL..."

* "BUT, OF COURSE, I JUST GET TO WRITE ABOUT IT. NEXT ISSUE, WE'RE BACK IN THE SEMINARY (AS SOON AS I CAN THINK OF A STORY CONSISTING OF SEEMINGLY UNRELATED EVENTS THAT WILL HOPEFULLY COALESCE IN THE END)..."

I didn't include a lot of his summer thoughts, because then I'd just be copying out every fucking infoscroll...

Casey tells us what to expect next issue. He doesn't mention that the art continues its downward spiral. Oh god, it sucks. See you Thursday.

Edit: I've been wondering what the relationship between the one big action sequence of the series and the end of summer. Is the fight with Sparky the end of the summer party? Especially, with Punchy and Destra at the end all wet, tired and Punchy amused because he touched her breasts? Casey once said that fights replace sex in superhero comics, after all. Sparky is electricity and creates a fire... a bonfire? Big explosions are fireworks? Something to think about.

The Splash Page 34: Invincible Iron Man #6

In this week's Splash Page, Tim and I discuss Invincible Iron Man #6. Really, it's Tim trying to talk me down off the ledge as I continue in my crazy rantings concerning the quality of certain superhero comics. Old news for those following this blog, but now I get to infect the larger internet with my crazy ramblings about mediocrity, failed potential and wanting more. Tim pushes the point well and actually gets me to write coherantly about it a bit.

So, if you like me trashing the fuck out of books, you'll love... THE SPLASH PAGE!!!

Book of the Week 6: Black Summer #7

[Some weeks when I buy comics, I think one book is worth discussing in a bit more detail. As this week shows, it could be an old issue (not that this is an OLD issue) that I got that week. Quality is not a consideration, just the vague idea of "interesting." New posts sometimes when I buy new comics, usually a couple of days after, most often on Fridays.]

Black Summer was a seemingly simple comic book that became very, very complex by the end. At least, that's the way I read it, but I've been a little out of sorts lately with a general pessimism and outright hatred of many comics. I've had posts begin in high spirits and positive motives only to devolve into ugly rants and time spent curled up under the cold shower spray mumbling unbloggble things. So maybe I've got it all wrong and this is really a seemingly complex comic book that became very, very simple by the end. Who knows. But, I know this much: this is a worthwhile comic for pages 18 and 19 in which Tom Noir, presumed dead, turns to his old friend John Horus, killer of an American president, veep, advisors and SS agents, and says the words I've been waiting for these past weeks--the words that needed said:

THE INCREDIBLE THING WE DID TO OURSELVES, THESE ABILITIES BEYOND EVOLUTIONARY CAPACITY -- AND YOU USED THEM ON A HIT?

YOU COULDN'T THINK OF ANOTHER WAY TO DO IT?

[...]

I'M ONLY THIS ANGRY WITH YOU BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED, JOHN. YOU FUCKED IT UP.

[...]

YOU COULD NOT THINK OF A SMARTER WAY TO CHANGE THE WAY THIS COUNTRY DOES BUSINESS THAN JUST KILLING THE VILLAIN?

YOU CAN WATCH THE WORLD LIKE GOD AND BUILD PLACES OUT OF MUD WITH THOSE DAMNED EYES OF YOURS AND THAT IS THE SMARTEST IDEA YOU HAD?

YOU FUCKING SICKEN ME.

I mean, wow. That says it all, doesn't it? Well, no, it doesn't as I plan to ramble on quite a bit more...

But, I mentioned that this struck me as an attack on the post-Authority superhero (it actually extends further back, of course), and that it always comes down to hitting. It always comes down to killing and punching and it's just sad by now. Particularly in books where the characters don't just claimed to be more advanced than regular people, but actually are. It's not a question of superpowers, but of imagination and intelligence. Here, John Horus is a genius driven to make the world better and to fight injustice... but he can't escape hitting things. It never occurs to him that there are other ways of doing things. That was my biggest complaint against Morrison's All-Star Superman, Millar's Ultimate X-Men and Fraction's Invincible Iron Man--books featuring characters that are smarter than us, more creative than us... and it always comes down to punching the "bad guy" in the face. Not only are the characters better than that, shouldn't the writers be?

I've said that stuff a lot lately, so I won't hammer away at it too much anymore. What also impressed me about this issue was the self-awareness of the three women Seven Guns and Tom Noir. The women come to understand that they are, really, just violent people who protect a city and fight small-scale levels of crime. They're not cut out to work on a larger scale. Tom, on the other hand, also realises the same thing, and acts accordingly by killing John and Frank Blacksmith, the so-called "Eighth Gun" and traitor. He isn't better than violence and hitting things. Neither are the women.

Not the end that I expected for this book, but one of the best I've read in a while.

Joe Casey Comics: The Intimates #9

[Continuing my look at Joe Casey's The Intimates. New posts Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.]

I forgot to mention it last issue, but issue eight was Giuseppe Camuncoli's final issue on the series. I don't really discuss the artwork much in these posts since my interest lies in what Joe Casey does, but Camuncoli's art was one of the key parts of this series (much like Sean Phillips on Wildcats and Ashley Wood on Automatic Kafka). Jim Lee may have designed many of the characters, but Camuncoli made them live within the world of the Seminary. He handled difficult amounts of information with ease and was great at facial expressions. I'm still amazed how much he could fit into a page without making it look cluttered. For issue nine and ten, the art is provided by Scott Iwahashi (with Carlos D'Anda on issue ten) and his work isn't bad. It's a bit more soft and impressionistic than Camuncoli's, but not a drastic change (to show how little I notice art sometimes, I didn't realise this issue had a different artist until around page twenty the first time I read it...).

In this issue, Punchy and Destra go on a road trip to find out what's rotten at the Seminary, starting with the Devonshire meal bars that everyone has to eat at the Seminary. Their interaction is like an old comedy routine since Punchy so obviously wants to get inside Destra's pants and Destra so obviously dislikes Punchy--or does she? I'm not suggesting she's romantically interested in him, but she can't hate him that much if he's her second choice for this mission (after Duke said no in issue seven). But, there's also there's no one else. Who else is Destra going to turn to? She's friends with Empty Vee, but Vee's superpowers aren't exactly offensive--Kefong is both part of and not part of the group, Sykes is pretty much in his own world... who else is there? Punchy's powers are offensive and she knows he will be up for some troublemaking.

Destra uses her family connections to have a sample of the Devonshire bar analysed by a guy named Arthur who is heavy into body modifcation--he's part man, part machine, part ecosystem for tiny men! At one point, the two travel through his brain and have a conversation with his subconscious... and he hits on Destra. And then claims later that he was barely aware of the conversation. He's a sly one that Arthur. They have him analyse one of the Devonshire bars and he spits out pages of weird mathematical calculations... THE BARS ARE MADE OF MATH! The two decide to go straight to the source, but that's next issue.

Agent Boss Tempo returns as Punchy's inspiration/other self here, highlighting just how tormenting life was for him last issue (except for the sex with Flora). At one point, Punchy even says, "I DUNNO, YO... / ...I NEVER SAW BOSS TEMPO HAFTA DEAL WIT' DIS KINDA MASH-UP." That his inspiration is a spy instead of a superhero... Duke looks to Mr. Majestic and the others don't seem to look to anyone (well, Kefong looks to Dean Martin), but Punchy looks to a spy... while being as conspicuous as possible most of the time. An odd character, Punchy is.

Duke gets chewed out for screwing up last issue and is sent home. Empty Vee has her eyes set on moving up in the world from bassist-for-the-opening-act to headliner. Sykes is in a government bubble with Uncle Alvin there to keep him company. And, Casey uses the infoscroll throughout the issue to tell us about Kefong's summer in Vegas where he has an encounter with a lounge singer and his wife... and then finds out that they're ghosts. The final sentence/item in every infoscroll is devoted to Kefong. An effective manner to tell that story without taking up too much space.

Some infoscroll bits:

* "HOW MANY INTIMATES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB? (ANSWER ON PAGE 19)..."

* "FUTURE FACT: PUNCHY HAS NO IDEA THAT, AT AGE FORTY-TWO, HE WILL EXPERIENCE SEVERE BOUTS OF IMPOTENCE THAT WILL THREATEN TO TEAR BOTH OF HIS MARRIAGES APART..."

* "DESTRA'S VISIT TO THE HOUSES OF THE HOLY WAS PRECEDED BY A TRIP TO THE MOVIES AND AN EXPLORATION OF MAKING HER GARDEN GROW..."

* "AGENT STAHL'S IMMEDIATE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE SUPERIOR IS AGENT DOWNS (WHO STAHL HAS NOTICED ISN'T ACTING LIKE HIMSELF LATELY)..."

* "INTIMATE PUNCHLINE: DEPENDS ON THE ARTIST..."

* "QUICK ATTENTION TEST: JUST BETWEEN YOU AND ME, THESE INFO SCROLLS ARE STARTING TO DANCE ON MY LAST FRIGGIN' NERVE AND IF YOU'RE ANNOYED BY READING THEM, JUST THINK HOW I FEEL..."

Next issue: summer vacation's last hurrah.

I Bought Comics (Second Week of October 2008)

[Random thoughts that may range from coherant to not.]

I'm in London for the Thanksgiving weekend (what with me being Canadian and all), so that means stopping by the old shop to get stuff on my pull list here. This time, though, I cancelled the pull list since only two items are on it right now. In preparation for this trip, I reread a lot of the series I would be buying (especially the minis). So, let's see how things stack up...

Black Summer #7

It's not a big surprise that I would like the end of this series because Tom Noir attacks John Horus for the same thing I've recently attacked a lot of so-called progressive comics for: if you're so damn smart and progressive, why did it come down to hitting things in the end? If John Horus is so powerful and advanced, why did he only think to kill the president and his advisors? He couldn't think of something better? And Tom admits that he's not better and ends it by hitting things essentially--but not before leaving a different type of legacy. That moment when he confronts John is worth the entire series. I know, we were all "Oh look, he's killed the president for Iraq! Awesome!" (except those of us who weren't), but it really just became an attack on the type of superhero comic that The Authority inspired (and became itself after Ellis left). It gives me hope for No Hero to at least have a moment of similar transcendence--a moment where it offers something beyond the limitations of the story. I'll grant you, it's not a giant leap, but it is a leap and an unexpected one.

Crossed #1

Sadistic pervert zombies are still just zombies. Nothing here suggests anything more, but I have some trust in Ennis. I'm not a fan of the zombie story--it holds little to no appeal for me. And this isn't exactly an inventive form of that story yet. I'll probably give it another issue or two--but I'm in a less forgiving mood lately, so it may not even get that.

Doktor Sleepless #8-9

Two very different issues, one ending book one, and the other beginning book two. Issue eight is a culmination of the first seven issues in a few ways as the good Doktor reveals his endgame... namely ending the world while his ex-girlfriend focuses on the disease he released that causes a few people to see angels. It's an odd sort of conversation with the Doktor feeling that he has to explain it (if only to torture her with the knowledge) and not actually caring what she thinks. It will be interesting to see how that plays out. Issue nine is sparse in its own way and could act as a decent introduction to the series for some. Much lighter on concepts and gives a fresh view of Heavenside through an entry-level character. I'm enjoying this book quite a bit.

Gødland #24-25

Solid as always. A rival conception of the universe? The Archers as champions for these rivals? Sounds good to me. Nice to see Adam more sure of himself and confident in his abilities.

Hellblazer #245-246

Decent, but not anything special. Kind of a cursory look at John's old punk band with a kind of weak magic plot. Really, this could have been one issue and the first one ends with a scene we've seen a million times before. Not bad, not that good. I expected a bit better from Jason Aaron, though.

Invincible Iron Man #6

Dropped. I'm done with this book. I'll get into more detail in this week's Splash Page, but this book isn't good enough for me to keep buying. I'm making a few cuts in the next while and since none of the issues have really impressed me since the first one, I'm done. The utterly boring manner in which this issue concluded the story was enough.

Narcopolis #4

The language games were enough to keep me entertained, and there was a glimmer of hope in this issue when Neighour is told by Officer Love that there is no big enemy, no big conspiracy and that he just wants there to be one because reality isn't exciting enough that would have made the whole thing much, much better. It didn't really contradict that, it just enforced the old safety versus freedom, and that looking at a system one way shows it to be fair and just, while another view shows corruption. Nothing revolutionary--when it suggested something a bit more interesting and more challenging. Ah well, I'd always heard Jamie Delano was a good writer and figured I'd give his latest work a shot.

The Programme #12

Stalingrad's disillusionment in this issue was the most interesting thing about it. Ultimately, this book was about two warring ideologies that weren't that different, but that's not a new point really when discussing the US and USSR. Then, there was the aftermath of the Soviet dolls' attack, but that wasn't that original either. The journey of Max throughout the series is interesting--as he's really just a pawn. As is the demonstration of how far beliefs really go as everyone abandons them at some point except for the CIA agent we don't expect to and... that's about it. Kind of interested in comparing this to Infinity, Inc. since they came out around the same time and both tackle the concept of superhumanity in a slightly off-beat manner. This series didn't really follow up on its promise, but was an interesting enough read--the manner in which Milligan told the story made it worth it much of the time.

Punisher War Journal #21-24

So fucking dropped. I really can't believe I gave this series 24 issues. I liked the first half of the first year and then much else. I kept buying it, because I was afraid that the month after I dropped it, it would turn good. But it never did. Maybe it's because I'm a big fan of Ennis's work with the character and it's hard to see them side by side without Fraction's version looking very, very lame. Also, I never really knew what Fraction's version of the character was. Who is this Frank Castle? He's part goof, part professional, part... I don't know what. I bought these four issues because the shop had them in my pull list, but this is it. I don't care that issue 24 ended on a cliffhanger. I'm done. And it shouldn't surprise anyone.

Red Mass for Mars #2

I don't think I've ever read a Jonathan Hickman-penned issue as quickly as I read this one. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but usually he's a much more wordy writer. This issue does continue his style of showing little pieces of scenes that imply other scenes and actions--it's an interesting technique and it usually works better than this. There's also a more challenging/interesting subtext to his work--but this could be his more straight-up superhero/sci-fi story and it's interesting enough. It's just not nearly as good as Pax Romana.

Young Liars #8

David Lampham is anything but boring. I will need to reread this issue along with the previous ones soon, because I'm not totally lost--but I am a little lost. And purposefully so no doubt. Different versions of the same story--the title is Young Liars... are any true? Subject views of so-called objective events? Wasn't last issue part 1 of a story? Lovely. This comic is confident and bold and apparently uses techniques used in previous Lampham works, but since I haven't read them yet, it's all new to me... I may be a little lost, but I'm liking it nonetheless. Definitely one of the books I look forward to the most each month.

Joe Casey Comics: The Intimates #8

[Continuing my look at Joe Casey's The Intimates. New posts Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.]

The first summer vacation issue finds Punchy back home in Maryville, a small town that is positively boring. The only thing about it that provides some comfort is Flora, another superhuman and friend of Punchy, who didn't get accepted to the Seminary. She has plant powers and a mean streak. Most of this issue is devoted to her and Punchy hanging out and bitching about how shitty Maryville is. At one point, they have sex (Punchy's first time!) and are discovered by two local redneck teens who like to pick on the freaks--only to have Flora do apeshit and would kill them had Punchy not stopped her.

Not much plot here and not much original plot, but Casey does a good job of capturing that "back home for summer" feel that comes with college or university. You're out in the world for most of the year only to come "home" to find that it's a lot smaller, a lot more boring and not much home anymore. You've outgrown it, you've changed, it's now just the place where you used to be. Of course, it can never just be the place where your parents are, because there's so much memory attached to it--the conflict between viewing it as "home" and viewing it as "your parents' home" is a strange one. You think of where you currently live as home, but... I'm not sure I can explain it. I'm not sure Casey does either, but he comes pretty close.

Flora is an interesting character as Casey hints at her being the opposite of a vegetarian in many ways. We're told in the infoscrolls that she's tortured and killed small animals and seems ready to kill the rednecks... Because she's so closely tied to plant life, she would obviously view animals as lesser and have little problem killing them. You could almost see her eating nothing but meat and by-products of animals. A very interesting idea.

Also, we see that Empty Vee is hanging out with the Weirdness and her boyfriend, the bassist for the summer. There's an odd moment in the comic that I'm not quite sure what to make of where the transition from that brief scene to Punchy is done in a manner in which they obvious influence one another. We see the Weirdness playing a show and the lead singer screams, but the balloon for that happens in the panel below it, where Punchy suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night. As well, the panel borders aren't solid, but fade into one another. My first thought is that this suggests that I was right in thinking that Sykes was influencing the bassist's mind back in issue four and because of what happened in issue six, there's a link between Sykes and Punchy. I'm probably wrong as the infoscroll says he's been having recurring nightmares since issue six, but that doesn't mean there isn't something there necessarily.

We also get to see Duke working the National Park Service and taking down a supervillain, but he accidentally kills him instead of bringing him in alive as ordered. Throughout this scene, we get shots of Agent Boss Tempo in action, a character normally associated with Punchy (he's reading the comic at the time)--but, here, with Duke? Duke is having the summer experience Punchy wants to have, obviously. Not spelled out, but suggested through the use of the spy comic.

At the end of the issue, Destra shows up at Punchy's place...

Some infoscroll bits:

* "PUNCHY TAUGHT HIMSELF TO READ USING COMIC BOOKS..."

* "TEEN HOMETOWN TIP: NEVER LIVE AS AN ADULT IN THE TOWN YOU GREW UP IN..."

* "STUDIES SHOW THAT INFO SCROLL COMPOSITION HAS LED TO NIGHT BLINDNESS, INSOMNIA, DRUG USE AND OCCASIONAL BOUTS OF INSANITY..."

* "MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THESE LATE, LAMENTED MARKET COMICS SERIES: RAWDOGS VERSION 8.0, MR. MAGNIFICENT, AROMATIC KRAKA..."

Next issue: road trip!

Joe Casey Comics: The Intimates #7

[Continuing my look at Joe Casey's The Intimates. New posts Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.]

The last day of school before summer vacation. Do you remember how great that was? No real work, just shooting the shit, hanging out, waiting out the clock... In elementary school, it was the best, because when it was done, it was done. In high school, there were still exams. In university, even worse exams. In grad school, there was summer? In this issue, we get that most wonderful academic day of the year at the Seminary and it's... a lot of nothing but also tedious nothing, in a way.

The first half of the issue is cut-up of three scenes: a lecture from Mr. Bigg, the principal, and Miss Klanbaid to the students about being responsible over the summer; Punchy talking to Sykes about last issue (talking at Sykes?); and Duke being told that the National Park Service wants him to work for them over the summer. The lecture is pretty standard stuff in that it is obvious ahead of time what will be said and is boring as hell. Let's hand it to Joe Casey, he really does excel here at capturing the high school feel well. The "discussion" between Punchy and Sykes is odd as Punchy seems like he's trying to connect with Sykes after last issue, that his experience in Sykes's head really affected him, but there's nothing on the other end. Sykes doesn't communicate back, so is anything really shared?

The NPS agent who recruits Duke is Agent Stahl, a callback to Automatic Kafka (which I haven't discussed... what, I've got to do these in the "proper" order?) and the signal to those in the know that, hey, Duke is gonna be working for a big-time douchebag who wears braces and masturbates to Maria on Sesame Street. Oh yeah. The work by Casey and Giusepe Camuncoli is particularly good here as it follows up on last issue's confessions by Duke by having him very non-reactive to this news. He's not happy that he gets to be a government superhero--we know that he's afraid of what he may do and what it may do to him. At the same time (in the comic), Destra tries recruiting Duke to team up with her over the summer and find out what's rotten in the Seminary. However, Duke ignores her to go sulk in the bathroom over his fate.

There's also a "trendspotter" following Empty Vee around to see what's cool with the young teenage superhero kids. Of course, the trendspotter is ancient at the age of 25. The inclusion of this in the "last day before summer vacation" issue is odd, because why would a trendspotter show up then? It does spur a debate over the ethics of having someone like that at the school in the teacher's lounge, but Miss Klanbaid has the final word: "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THESE MATTERS ARE, AT BEST, IRRELEVANT. AT WORSE... ANNOYING. / PROFESSOR BENTLEY IS CORRECT. OUR STUDENTS ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE OF MANEUVERING THROUGH THESE CULTURAL MIND TRAPS..." If anything, the trendspotter's role seems to be that of Casey's... a person who finds him/herself no longer in the target demographic, no longer the setter of what is and is not cool... an attempt to come to grips with aging in a youth-oriented popular culture? (Not that I necessarily buy that concept, but...)

Ultimately, as always, nothing really happens, but it's surprisingly satisfying. Casey continues to cram in information and uses the cut-up technique more. Short scenes, constant cuts... The book is aimed at the information hungry and those without the necessary attention span to focus on one thing. I think this issue may be the best one for finding that right mix of contradictions.

It also ends with Destra setting up the final five issues of the series: "NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, THEY WANT US TO MAKE WITH THE WHOLE SUPERHERO THING... / ...MAYBE IT'S TIME WE GIVE IT TO 'EM."

Some infoscroll items:

* "INTIMATES WRITING TIP: THESE INFO SCROLLS COULD DRIVE A MAN TO HEAVY DRUG USE (A.K.A. 'SELF-MEDICATION')..."

* "RECENT FOCUS GROUPS HAVE CONFIRMED THAT INFO SCROLLS HAVE AN UNDERLYING PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECT ON THE READER, DEPENDING ON AGE, CULTURAL DEMOGRAPHIC AND EYESIGHT PRESCRIPTION..."

Next issue: summer break month one.

Bookstore Sale 3: Mark Millar's Ultimate X-Men

[The bookstore at my former university has a lovely sale on a wide variety of Marvel trades, so I've been buying them. And discussing them here. On Mondays. Awesome.]

I just want to say that aside from the Ultimate Team-Up collection, I don't plan on getting any further Ultimate books at the bookstore sale. I'm planning to keep on buying Ultimate Spider-Man in hardcover and want to get a copy of Ultimate Fantastic Four vol. 3 (the only volume the bookstore doesn't have, of course!), but this does it for me. I was tempted to maybe pick up some of Mike Carey's Ultimate Fantastic Four run to see what Ultimate Thanos is like, but I'll pass. No big reason for this decision other than... well, not wanting those other comics. If someone makes an extremely convincing case, I'll change my mind, maybe. But, that said, let's get on with...

Ultimate X-Men: Ultimate Collection Vols. 1-2, and Ultimate X-Men Vols. 5-6

I really do wish these comics had lived up to their potential. Mark Millar certainly tries--in fact, I would say that his Ultimate X-Men work seems like his most genuine attempt to write something intelligent, and thought-provoking that will last beyond the initial KICKSPLODE! factor. Of course, it doesn't, because, try as he might, Millar can't escape the KICKSPLODE! and that becomes the point of the book. Also, he just doesn't have the skills to really play above that level.

Actually, Ultimate X-Men suffers from a problem that most writing about "superior" beings does: the writer isn't more intelligent than the rest of us. One of the conceits of this book is that mutants are the next step in evolution and, at one point, Xavier even suggests are naturally more intelligent than humans, just as humans are more intelligent than other primates. None of this so-called advanced intelligence is ever really displayed, though, beyond some cool gadgets and the transformation of the Savage Land... the ideas displayed by Xavier and Magneto are the same old dichotomy we've always seen in X-Men comics, and I was left wondering, constantly, if these are supposed to be the next step and are so brilliant, how come they're stuck in this horribly childish "black and white" argument?

Now, it seems Millar may be making the argument that these characters aren't more advanced, really. For all of their bluster, they're just humans with superpowers trying to play above their level and convince themselves that, somehow, they're better. But, honestly, that's boring. That is so dreadfully boring! And, it just becomes frustrating, because no one calls them on it. Okay, that isn't exactly right: they are called on it, kind of, at various points, but those who make the point always then forget their objections and pick a side to fight on. In the third storyarc, Colossus quits the group and goes back to Russia to work and support his family, no longer interested in Xavier's pacifist ideals, but also not interested in the Brotherhood's terrorist ideals. It's the one moment of almost original thinking in the book: there are more than two options! But, soon thereafter, Colossus saves a distressed sub and rejoins the group.

Every character in the book is only capable of seeing things in terms of black and white, with us or against us... and there's nothing wrong with that, but Millar hides that horribly cynical and depressing worldview under the guise of optimism and hope. It's the opposite of Warren Ellis's writing, which is optimistic and hopeful, but hidden under cynicism, which I'll take every day of the week over Millar's style.

The first story is titled "The Tomorrow People," but what's so damn futuristic about them? Not a goddamn thing. Take Forge, for example: his mutant power is that he can make anything he can think of. And what does he do? He makes a machine that will amplify Magneto's powers. Why not make a machine that eliminates prejudice against mutants? Or a machine that evolves everyone on the planet AND makes them okay with that? Or, I don't know... but something that actually goes beyond fucking hitting things?

Paul O'Brien explains the problem in his review of Ultimate X-Men #1: "It also raises right off the bat the fundamental problem that the X-Men as a concept doesn't want to be in a shared universe, and never did. The X-Men wants to be doing stories about global society being transformed by the arrival of a new stage in evolution. But it can't do that because if you transform Marvel's Earth, it'll no longer be providing the appropriate "real world" backdrop for all the other series. The X-books have ended up dealing with that by holding out the vague promise of the Days of Futures Past apocalypse in the future, and running towards it on a treadmill, continually claiming that we're getting closer when in fact no signs of that are ever apparent and we all know it could never happen." Really, there's no way to tell a truly intelligent and forward-thinking story using mutants at Marvel, because there is no way to change the world in any meaningful way at Marvel. Superficial changes will happen, but to really explore the concept of mutants, you have to be free to break out of this constant give-and-take between hating and loving mutants. So, was Millar's run a failure because of him or because of the limitations upon him? I think it's because of him, but I'm sure the limitations didn't help.

Then there's the limitation of the writer (the concept of the writer)... Look at Morrison's run on New X-Men (which started the same week as Ultimate X-Men #6, coincidentally): Morrison kept hinting at these fantastically advanced ideas of Xavier and mutants, in general, but did anything come of it? Is so-called mutant culture ever anything that different? Are Xavier's conceptions of a mutant school really anything that advanced? At their core, it's really just a more open school where students are allowed to pick and choose what they'll study a bit more and traditionally non-academic areas are given more emphasis... it's certainly progressive compared to public schools, but is is progressive compared to human ideas? The biggest flaw of writing of this type is that it is almost impossible to accurately write someone who is supposed to be that much more advanced than you are. It's why Q and Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation never really seemed believable to me. Q is supposedly omniscient... but doesn't act like it. Or, Data is capable of 60 trillion operations per second, but often has to pause in order to look up a word in his memory banks? Really? Now, the reason for this is so the character is more relatable and the audience can see his capabilities, but it always comes off as artificial (and, yes, my problem with the android character is that he's not portrayed realistically). I don't blame the creators for these problems, because how does one realistically write an android or a god or a telepath? How can one realistically write someone whose experience is not just different from ours, but as different from ours as ours is from that of a monkey? Under the premise that mutants are the next evolutionary step, trying to understand how a mutant would think is like a monkey trying to understand how humans think.

But, shit, it's like Millar doesn't even try.

Look at the Ultimate line objectively and ask yourself, "Shouldn't these comics be better?" Seriously. These are relaunches of decades-old characters with decades of stories to draw upon in addition to the imaginations of the writers attached to the comics and... shouldn't these comics be better? Really, shouldn't these be the best X-Men comics? Shouldn't the portrayals of these characters be inspired by the best versions? Of course, that raises the question of which version (and even which characters) are the best, but... somehow, I just keep looking at these Ultimate books and wondering if they should be better. (Except for Ultimate Tony Stark... he is the only character that seems to be the best version of the character so far. Maybe Ultimate Hulk, too. Really, Ultimate Human seems to be the best Ultimate book I've ever read, in retrospect...)

Then again, maybe these books are limited by their awareness. There's always an awareness that there are other versions and that maybe, just maybe, things could be better. Or, how does Millar's X-Men compare to Chris Claremont's? Or to Grant Morrison's? How about the Bendis/Bagley Peter Parker and the Lee/Ditko Peter Parker? Is it a matter of spontanaity versus contemplation and preparation? (I mean, would it be better if I'd planned out this post ahead of time, or does it benefit more from my making it up as I go?)

I'm sorry if this seems meandering, but I'm just trying to figure out why these 35 comics (plus two issues by Chuck Austen and one by Geoff Johns... but those don't count) aren't better. Why aren't they the ultimate X-Men story? Does such a thing exist, really? And, if not, is the Ultimate line a failure automatically?

(Because I just mentioned it, I'll say a few words about the Chuck Austen and Geoff Johns contributions. I started reading both, but quickly started to skim instead, because they're not that good. Johns's contribution takes place between issues six and seven, and goes against established continuity to make a point that isn't really followed up in later issues. Austen's story involves Gambit, which is strike two against it--the first being Chuck Austen's involvement. And before anyone gets all uppity about me bashing Austen, I want to say that I hated Austen's writing before it became fashionable to hate Austen's writing. It was so annoying when everyone else started hating it, too, because, then, my unique opinion which I formed all by myself suddenly seemed like an attempt to be just like the cool kids. You always think you want everyone to agree with you, but you don't. Much better to stand outside the crowd. But, yeah, it's a serviceable story about Gambit being a rogue with a heart of gold as he helps out a little girl--that the trade identifies as a little boy on the back cover for some reason--against Ultimate Hammerhead. It's not really bad, it's just not that good. And since it doesn't relate to Millar's story at all, it's not worth discussing here.)

But, all of that aside, I should probably examine the comics themselves, shouldn't I? It's all one big story, really, which is rather impressive. Millar does manage to bring in various elements from the X-universe to tell one cohesive story, and it does work well as one story. Now, whether or not the individual stories work well in that regard is a whole other problem, because they don't. If you want to read Mark Millar writing the X-Men, you need to buy all six volumes to really get anything out of it, but that's pretty similar to the Ultimate line as a whole (a simultaneous strength and weakness). Even the two middle stories, "Return to Weapon X" and "World Tour" serve the larger story, which is really about the competing ideas of peaceful cohabitation of mutants with humans, and a war between mutants and humans with the only two characters that matter being Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr. Every other character is an extension of those two or a response to those two. They are the only two people in the world, in a sense (and now I have the fun of seeing if this is, in fact, correct). As Morrison had Magneto admit in "Planet X," all either of them really wants is the other to admit that he's right, to come around to his way of thinking. While Morrison didn't go so far as to have Xavier admit that, too, Millar implies it heavily when Xavier fakes Magneto's death and then creates a new identity for Magneto in the hopes that his experiences as a regular human will make him realise that humans and mutants can live together in peaceful harmony. The tragedy is, of course, that neither one will ever change his way of thinking. For all their differences, they are the same character with the same goals. Their argument is not about the what, the why, or the when, it's just about the how... and since there are only two methods presented of achieving their mutual goal, it gets pretty damn boring quickly (at least for me--that this dual relationship has continued for so long suggests that others don't find it nearly as boring as I do). Mostly because it never progresses after that first story... every other story involving the two is some remixed version of that first argument between the two of them. No one ever wins, so the relationship is static, and, therefore, boring. I was actually wrong before when I said you can't just read one story in Millar's Ultimate X-Men without getting the full picture, because you can: the first one. Nothing really new happens after that and all of the elements of each story that follows is there... which would suggest some skill on Millar's part to set up everything from his run in that first story, but, really, it's not so much setting things up but presenting every idea in that one story, making the representing of them in subsequent stories tedious and repetative.

"The Tomorrow People" sets up the dichotomy and ends with the seeming death of Magneto. "Return to Weapon X" continues to demonstrate the persecution of mutants, providing reason for various mutants to choose sides between Xavier and Magento's philosophies. "World Tour" exposes the reality that Xavier didn't kill Magneto and, instead, uses his powers to put Magneto in a position that will, hopefully, cause him to realise the error of his ways. At the same time, it demonstrates that Xavier and Magneto both, ultimately, view humans as inferior despite Xavier's protestations as Xavier leaves his human family behind as coldly and casually as Magneto would kill humans. "Hellfire and Brimstone" continues the battle between the two ideologies as the Brotherhood is split between the two. "Ultimate War" places Xavier's group in a position where Magneto's philosophy makes the most pragmatic sense, but they still resist. "Return of the King" has another head-on showdown between the two philosophies and results in the seeming dominance of Xavier's, but not really as the same problems still exist.

Xavier's refusal to kill Magneto and simply create a new human identity for him in the hopes of reforming him sums up his philosophy. Xavier doesn't simply believe in the peaceful coexistance of humans and mutants, he believes it must come about by free will. At various points, characters wonder if Xavier is altering their minds (for example, is Xavier using his powers to make Storm love Beast) and it is probably the most realistic line of thinking any of these characters demonstrate, but the evidence is right before them that Xavier is not doing that. If he won't use his powers to alter the views of humanity and create his mutant/human utopia or make Magneto come around to his way of thinking, then, really why would he use them to make Storm love Beast? There is a certain logic to thinking that Xavier would only use his powers on smaller things like that, but it seems false to me. Really, Xavier is a believer in free will and its role in society... which, of course, makes him a fool and worse than Magneto. Say what you will about Magneto, he doesn't have the power to end the conflict in a manner where no one will ever realise something has happened. Magneto may believe in the active slaughter of entire species, but that's because those are the limits of his means... Xavier has the power to literally change the world without anyone noticing and doesn't. Xavier places a value on free will that relies on an objective reality/truth, failing to see that if everyone's subjective reality/truth is the same then it becomes the objective reality/truth.

And if anyone thinks I'm focusing on the ideology too much, the whole point of the book is ideology, so shut up. The conflicts (and stories) are defined by the ideologies and everything else is secondary. And since these ideologies are broken and failed and goddamn worthless, so are these comics. Maybe that's the point, but, if so, it's a boring point. It's a point that been made so many times before that I have to wonder why make it again. Do we really need another story about people who think they're better than everyone else, but are really just as fucked up as the rest of us? Why not shoot for originality and forward-thinking instead of suggesting it and never following through? We've got enough of that in the regular Marvel universe's X-Men comics, why do the same thing here? Why be held back by the same limitations and lack of imagination? What, Magneto can design a helmet to block telepaths or build a city with Xavier in a short while, but the best idea for dealing with humanity is to kill them? He somehow thinks getting two of every species is a wide enough genetic base to repopulate said species? Is it the characters that are this fucking stupid or is it those behind them?

"But that's not how it is in the regular comics or the movie or--"

But, but, but, but that stuff is simplistic drivel. It is middle of the road, it is mediocre most of the time and if that's what Millar wants to write (and it seems very much like that is the case), fine--but don't tease the reader with something better. "Mutant economy," eh? What, is that about taking care of the poor or based in concepts I've known about since I was ten? Because that's the intellectual discourse of these comics. That's the philosophical and idelogical discourse of these comics and it's awful. Kill them all or turn the other cheek? Is that the best we can think up? Is that the best that these supposed next evolutionary step can think up?

And, yeah, these books are meant to capitalise on the movies and supposedly suck in the teenagers, which they probably could do, I suppose, with all of the explosions and angsty drama about who is fucking whom and the ever-so-deep rift between Xavier and Magneto, two men who were like brothers and now couldn't be further apart (except that they're really the same)... But, is that worthwhile? It's not terribly ambitious, is it? And, besides, they don't do that, so there's another failure right there. Failures all over the place with these comics.

And, I know, at the beginning, I said Millar tries, but I've changed my mind. He doesn't. Maybe I'd be nicer if it weren't so obvious that Millar has no ambition beyond the blockbuster movie level of discourse. If scenes weren't peppered with little "witticisms" designed to show off how cool and edgy a writer he is instead of actually tell a good story or be quality art or do something new. Why is a book about evolution so lowest common denometer? Why is it so basic and stupid?

*sigh*

Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'll actually talk about the plots: they're there. There's nothing remarkable about any of them. They're probably stories you've read before or seen in a movie before. "Wow, the military man threatens to kill Cyclops if Jean doesn't kill some guy!" "Oooh, Wolverine and Jean are eff you see kay eye en gee!" Or, how about that Hellfire Club doomsday cult plot that seems tacked on and only there so Jean can exhibit Phoenix powers? Or, the requisite "Our heroes are misunderstood and thought to be bad guys" plot? It's all there, people!

To be fair, these are perfectly readable comics. At times, you feel for characters, you hope they don't die, you hope they come through in the end... and then you forget all about them, because who cares? None of them have personalities, none of them show any real signs of original thoughts? Some make the barest of attempts to question what's going on, but quickly fall in line when everyone else tells them to shut up... Wait, can someone tell me how Xavier convinced Wolverine to switch sides? It wasn't just the chance to fuck Jean, so... when was it? Was it the basic pacifist ideas that someone like Wolverine would have almost certainly encountered before? The naive optimism backed up by foolish and misguided beliefs?

The art is serviceable throughout, except in two issues were, for reasons I can't fathom, Kaare Andrews provides manga-esque art with colouring that reminds me of animation colouring... I don't blame Andrews or his colourists for this, because that's what they do and it looks great. What were the editors thinking? You're telling a long-form story based strictly within multiple-issue storyarcs and you decided mid-story to hire an artist whose style is not even remotely close to that of every other artist to ever work on the book? It's awful! The art suffers because it stands out so much that it can't be taken on its own merits and those behind the book look like idiots (especially that person who wrote the back cover copy for that second "Ultimate Collection" who said Gambit saves a homeless boy... really, what the hell?). It... don't know, actually.

Nothing in these comics is convincing. Xavier and Magneto build a mutant utopia away from humanity and they actively continue to be obsessed with humanity? Why? Rescue mutants, take them there and wait for humanity to die off or your numbers to be bigger... Why bother with humanity? That's what I kept wondering. Why bother with humanity? Why not change everyone's way of thinking? Why not have Forge build a machine that makes the world a better place? Why be so typical? Why why why why why? Really, Xavier and Magneto spent so much time discussing this stuff and thinking it through and it all comes down to KILL THEM ALL OR TURN THE OTHER CHEEK? IT ALL COMES DOWN TO SUCH SIMPLISTIC POINTS OF VIEW? WE'RE EXPECTED TO THINK THESE CHARACTERS ARE THAT FUCKING STUPID?

"But, it's only superhero comics! It's only the X-Men! What did you expect?"

Horrible excuse for mediocrity and lazy thinking. "It's only the X-Men"? Then why do you care what I say about these books? Ask yourself, "Shouldn't these books be better?"